My 93 yr old Dad is (has always been) a paroniod-demented person.
I am tired of the BS I have to deal with.
I finally was able to get him into a Memeory Care facility and now he is alwasy calling the Omsbudsman to complain. He says he is being held againt his will.
I told the Facility Director and the Omsbudsman that I will take care of all other things for my Dad, but I don't want to talk to him or see him. I'm thru with being accused of things I didn't do. He claims he's been placed in a Mental Hosiptal and he is the only one sane. He says I did this to steal his money and on and on.
He has alienated all other family, has only 1 friend (his 92 yr old neighbor). He calls her all the time and tells her horrible things. She would call me and tell me what he said, but not anymore. Guess he is getting to her.
I have POA, but I understand that since I don't have Conservatorship that he CAN leave anytimes he decides. I am in limbo about what to do about his mobile home, car and personal items at the house. The money paying the MH space could be used to continue his costs at the facility. He is self-pay and no LT insurance.
ANY suggestions on how to best handle this?????
I get Dad in a facility and then my Brain damaged brother (motorcycle accident) ends up in my home cause he has no place but the street to go.
I thought he would be able to live on his own, but from what I've seen this last 6 weeks that will never be! He is very limited in doing necessary daily things for himself cause of memory impairment. He only gets $793 SSDI and he might loose that due to being in jail and found guilty. So Social Security said they want money back for period of incarceration.
I also have limited POA for Brother and no medical POA because he didn't want to do that (according to attorney).
ANY suggestions on what to do about this situation?
I am in Central California. Not much here in the way of services that I am aware of. My brother was a resident of North Carolina until he came here in late July.

I feel so imprisioned by other people. I just want to be left alone!

My husband and I spent the last 14 yrs oof & on raising our 2 grandsons. Son is now remarried and has custody so we thought we had a breather. WRONG!!!!

Don't get me wrong and think that I don't care about my family. It's just that my Dad and Brother made poor decisions in their lives and now some how I have to sacrafice my & husbands time/money/sanity for these 2 people. Niether of them never did anything positive or helpful for me or my husband before their incapacities.
I'm asking myself why? Why have I allowed this? I don't really know. I just have always had responsibilty for someone. I'm tired of it! I thought when my Dad died I would be free, but his health is improving at the facilty. He could live for a few more years. Brother is younger than me; only 51 yrs old. He could out live me. I have my own heath issues.
Anyways, Dad is not of immediate concern. I would say it is my brother. How do I get him out of my house and some place safe? I am the only family he has.
He is my half brother; our father is not the same. My brother is an ex-con, ex-biker member who kinda scare me. He has never done anything to me, but he has to others. He gravitates to the worng crowd and won't listen when I tell him to stop posting stuff on Facebook about wife who dumped him. (he has a restraining order against him )
If he were to come to me and want to go back to NC I would buy him a ticket ASAP one-way immediately!!! Yeah, right! Nice fantasy.
So what I do is escape into my office/catch all room and read posts on here to make sure I am not alone in my frustration. I keep looking for an answer to some of the issues I'm experiencing.
Sorry this is so long.

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Thank you NancyH and Jeannegibbs. Yesterday stretched my last nerve to the breaking point. Sorry i went off on a tangent, but there is no one to talk to about this. I think too that reading some of the post on this site didn't help.

Anyways, back to my situation:

My husband is the one that said "he has no one else". He made me feel like I was abandoning family. I tried to tell him that what we were getting into and he wouldn't listen. Now, he understands! Now how do I get out of this w/o hurting my brother.
My husaband is useless whenit comes to "emotional issues" or taking charge of almost anything. I am the one who everyone seeks out for help, advice, etc. Everyone leans on me. Who do I have to lean on? My other personality? LOL
I checked with Social worker and all she offered was med-cal & food stamp assistance. I will check with the County Health Services this week and see what they can do for us.
I'm too burned out to care for another family member. I took hand on care of MIL for excess of 10 yrs until she went to a nursing home. Then she died in 2004. Then kids came back in late 2004. Had to start taking care of Dad's issues in 2006. Doctor said he was going to die at any time (heart failure) so we retired and moved 350 miles north in 2007. EVERY WEEK back to San Diego cause Dad decided, nope not going with you!
For 5 yrs. i and my husband have been taking care of Dad's needs. My sister lived only 17 miles away, but would not help out. Found out recently that my Dad gave he $10K. Wow! He didn't re-imburse us our travel expenses or outo f pocket expenses for him. We didn' ask cause we thought we were better off than he was. Sister, who lives in our house as renter, says as far as she is concerned that money was her inheritance before he died. Says she doesn't feel the same way about him that I do and is sorry that I am stuck with taking care of him. My Dad had left by way of a will and POD on accounts to me or his sister, but with him now self pay in care facility there will be no money left possibly. That is okay as he is the one that worked and did without to have savings. I told h im a few years ago to spend his money and enjoy what was left of his life and my sister blew a fuse! She wanted the money for herself.
When I was in San Diego for 10 days arranging care for Dad everyday sheor her husband would comeout to my travel trailer and ask if I had found out how much money he had and who was to get it. I already knew, but put them off. I finally told them and now very limited contact with them. Intiiated by me, but you can feel the change.
Back to Brother:
1.Any ideas on how to descretly get out of taking him everywhere we go?
2.How do I get him to listen to me about posting stuff on Facebook?
I'm not very good at lying...need to start learning LOL
I am afraid of his reaction if I took computer use away. He's not a child, but I'm not sure how to deal with a Brain Damaged person. Not exactly sure of his ability's or limitations. SIL didn't provide and intructions for me when she dumped him.
She sent some very old paperwork from 2009 when he had his injury. Paperwork only goes to 1-2011. Still trying to determine what is true or not when brother provided info.
Not sure of much except that I am getting fatter by the day. Eating is my addiction particularly when i'm stressed. I am not a smoker, don't usae drugs and not much of a drinker either. So foodacholic would fit me best.
I just had to put our 2 dogs to sleep. We buried the girl on Valentines Day and the boy on the Fourth of July. We have some very old animals and some are very ill. They are my friends and it is hard to see them ill and to let them go.
New DIL & son are having issues (not sure what her trouble is PMS?), but she didn't want us around. Yesterday she messages me on the computer and says NOW she wants to resume relationship! She can wait. So I VENTED to her about brother and so got a reprive from having to deal with her. (also, brother doen't like mexicans and she is mexican). He will have to be respectfull as she is family. I have to say that I was surprised that my brother showed respect when kids came up to go swimming and stay over night. He wore a t-shirt to cover his tatoos (profanity). That was unexpected! Maybe I am worried about nothing, but I just don't want to be responsible for anyone else. I feel like I only have a little care-taking energy left and I need to reserve that for my husband, son or grandsons. Is that selfish? Sometimes I think I am just a mean/lazy person. Particularly when some religious person says "GOD won't give you more than you can handle". Well, they are both wrong!
Maybe I won't go crazy before I can get some info and help this week.

Thanks for listening.
Helpful Answer (0)

Even if you are his only family, you are not required to have your half-brother in your home. I think you know that. If his brain injury prevents him from being capable of living on his own, find out what options there are for him. You could evict him, with no responsibility for what happens to him, but I suspect you could live with yourself better if you found an alternative. Have you called Social Services and asked for a needs assessment? Have you contacted the Brain Injury Association of California for advice and referrals?

I hope you can find some ways to get out of this prison you do not deserve!
Helpful Answer (1)

Karin, what does your husband say about this? Does he have any ideas how to get you free from this? If he agrees with you, and wants to be free from this situation, then if he WILL let him take the reigns and take over. The key is, will you let him and will he do it? This may seem stupid or useless to you, but too many times us women just barrel ahead without considering our husbands as a resource.
Helpful Answer (2)

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