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I got married 2 and half years ago. Before that i dated my husband for 10years. During that time i had clearly told him that i would not want to stay with in laws, as i believe when you have distance you respect the person!

However when we got married nothing like that happened and we stayed together for an year. During this time.. I learnt a lot about my in laws.. my father in law.. talks big but does nothing. He expects you to do a lot but as for him he doesnt do anything! My mother in law is sooooo lazy and such a miser! she never cooks and the house is sooo dirty that you simply feel embarrassed!

Whenever i come from work the food is never ready, and she waits for me to come then starts cooking!

later after 1 year of marriage we moved! but we moved in one compound so they are now my neighbours! as my father in law is very adamant about us moving! so he put u in a fix and now we neighbours..

Later after when we moved.. neither did my mother in law nor father in law help out on anything in the house.. My husband works in the family business.. no one contributed in any expense.. so as i was working mainly i set the house up and also my parents helped me... later on i found out my father in law has an affair with a lady..i was soo shocked and told my husband but he simply ignored me.. hence i took it on my hands to sort this.. however, my husband back fired my plan.. so i go annoyed and told my mother in law as i felt bad! we went ot the mistress house.. but later everyone kept quiet and the boys didn't say a word to the father..

So i was also annoyed cos the boys have no self respect, and later got to know this kind of things are so called "normal" in their family history!

Now when it comes to my husband he is a very nice person but problem is he takes life easy you have to push him for everything.. i had to get some documents sorted i kept asking him but he just didnt do it until i decided to sort it my self.. which took a longer process. later when my FIL asked me.. he told me "how comes you didnt tell me i would have done for you" i was very annoyed and told him its my husband who has to do such things not him! so he got pissed off.. cos really is your husband not responsible for you? do i have to tell my fil everything for him to do for me? so also kids what il ask him i want kids.. i am sooo annoyed!

Where he has to help he doesnt want and here he shows off! i am honestly fed up of my in laws kindly suggest and advise

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Anyshah, I'm sorry, it isn't that I don't sympathise with the difficulties of managing your husband and his family; but I have to chuckle when you say you're not a care giver - were you misled by the name of this forum? It's AgingCare. Short for Aging Care.

Perhaps you might have more luck and ideas from a website that focuses on sorting out relationship and marital issues - is there such an organisation as Relate in the USA? If not, I'm sure there will be others just as good. Best of luck.
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im not a care giver, they are in good health and shape...
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anyshah, are you a caregiver for your in-laws? What are their medical issues? Do they have caregivers who come into the home?
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Please do not bring children into this situation.
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I believe the saying goes "marry in haste, repent at leisure." Curiously, you seem to have married at leisure and repented in haste. What were you doing for those ten years of dating? - not spending any of them observing your husband's family, evidently, or cottoning on to your husband's rather passive personality.

I'm sorry, I know I sound unsympathetic, but I'm not sure what sort of advice you are hoping for. AgingCare is mainly aimed at people who are taking some responsibility for the care of elders or otherwise vulnerable people - what do you see as your role in the care of your mother and father in law?
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