I do understand abuse does happen in some places. It can happen anywhere. My mom is convinced she will be raped and beaten if she goes to assisted living or a nursing home. She wants to stay in her home but at some point that will be impossible. I feel like this argument is just another way to try to guilt me into doing what she wants me to do. I have told her many times that when she get ill she can stay with us...she is pushing for me to move to her. I can’t...she is overwhelming...I will be swallowed alive. Our relationship is not great. I love her but I can’ marriage and health will suffer. Help

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Please please stop saying that 'when she gets ill she can stay with us'. You shouldn't do it, and you don't need to feel guilty about changing your mind.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

If you can't live near her you also can't have her live with you.

You have to realize that a Nursing home to our elderly is like a prison. Because back when their parents may have needed one, they aren't what they are now. Does Mom have any friends in an AL? Take her to visit and see how nice one is. Have her have lunch or dinner with the friend. Never promise you will never put her in one or NH. We never know how life will go. Not everyone is a caregiver.

My MIL tried for years for us to move to Fla. It got worse when my husband retired. Each week DH called her he had to listen about how another house was for sale. I told her once that I was not leaving my Mom. I also have 2 girls and a grandson I wanted to stay near. Her response was "she could move here" mine was "she has Church, friends and family hear" MIL "we all need to compromise " Yeah like her.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Mom is using drastic measures to guilt you into moving closer to her so you can be her free caregiver. You know you will not be able to do it. So don’t. You are a grown-up, married woman. Your first loyalty is to your husband and your marriage.

You would not have Mom go to a facility that you have any suspicions about. You can look up ratings of local facilities on the Web. Reassure your mother that you will carefully research every facility before she moves there.

Be very honest with your mother and tell her that you love her but moving closer to her is not an option. Keep telling her this.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy
mathisawesome Oct 8, 2018
Thank you. I know what she is doing but sometimes I need to hear someone else reminding. She is very effective at trying to work me.
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