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My Aunt is currently living in independent living. She has started repeatedly soiling the lovely upholstered furniture in the common areas and other residents are reporting it to the management. They have asked us to steam clean the upholstery at our cost and want her to move to assisted living. Auntie says it is not her that soils the furniture but several people witness the spots when she moves. Auntie is in total denial about the issue and we've begged her to wear her Depends to no avail. She says she doesn't need them and she is not incontinent. I am fearful the community will discharge her and recommend assisted living for Auntie. Can anyone suggest anything we can do?

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Lay it on the line, "Auntie, you need to wear these pull ups or they can make you move, there are no other choices". But I'd be watchful to see if this isn't just the tip of the iceberg and she really isn't suited to IL anymore.
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I think that checking her underwear would reveal if she's having bowel incontinence, unless she's throwing them away.
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Could it be that Auntie is telling the truth and it is someone else doing the soiling and blaming it on her?
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Your profile and post do not indicate that your aunt has cognitive decline. Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Do you know what is causing her bowel incontinence? Denial that it is occurring could be a sign of cognitive decline or embarrassment. I'd try to figure out which.

Based on what you find out, I'd check into the rules of the Assisted Living that you are asking her to go to, to see if what their requirements are for residents. In my state, a resident cannot stay in AL if they are double incontinent and if she is developing in that direction, I'd want to know in advance for planning purposes.

Also, even if she wore Depends in Independent Living, would she be able to clean up herself? Is she able to call someone for help to clean her up? If she's in denial, she may just ignore the mess in her Depends. It sounds like she may need a close look at how well she's functioning in IL and an examination of whether AL would meet her needs if her incontinence progresses.
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What you need to do is remove all of her underpants and replace them with Depends. That worked with my Dad as he wasn't about to go without wearing anything under his clothes.

Now, then try to find a product that fits the best for your Aunt. Provide a variety of different brands. My Dad likes the higher end "Real Fit" Depends as they fit so much better, they are more expensive, but the cost is worth it. I believe Depends makes a higher end product also for women.

Independent Living also requested for my Dad to move to the Memory Care section and he did [I told him it was less expensive as he would only need to pay for one room and he loves saving money]. In Memory Care the cleaning staff puts on the bed new sheets every day, and puts out new towels.
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