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I've lived near my grandparents ever since leaving college and try my hardest to be available when they are in need as well as spend time with them. This has increased over the years and they are at a point that if I'm not around they would have difficulties. I'm wanting to establish them with an in-home care service so I'm able to find work in a different state. It's very difficult to get my parents and uncles to be on the same page or take initiative. It feels like my family is most concerned with maintaining their relationships while it seems I'm more concerned with their health and safety. At this point, I find myself spending more time with them than accomplishing my goals and I'm worried this will make me resent my family. I've spoken to them about helping with this and conversations have been had but those are easily forgotten and the brunt of the situation is on me.

How old are you? These are your building years. It’s important for you to lay a proper foundation for your future.

Please tell others in your family that you must take the time needed to build for your own future. Are they caring for your grandparents at all? Have they ever assumed responsibility? Are there health issues with your grandparents?

I feel they have taken advantage of you because you live near your grandparents but that isn’t a reason to dump it all on you. You are to be praised for being loving and generous with your time but that isn’t fair to you. Explain this to your family, including your grandparents so they will know that you are not abandoning them. It sounds like you love them and I am sure they love you. They can’t help it if they need help as they are aging. You are right to want to see them set up with proper care.

Take care. Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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If no-one in the family wants to see that this isn’t fair on you, they are unlikely to change unless they have to. You've tried explaining, and it doesn't work. One way for you to deal with it is to find the job you want in another state, and then ask your family to sort out how to cope with grandparents’ needs. It may not be in-home care – if you don’t do it, you can’t call the shots on that. Or just a bit softer, tell the family that’s what you are going to do and you are looking for a job now.

You already resent this situation, or you would not have posted. Don’t wait for it to get worse. There are so many posts from people who find it hard to believe that others can’t see past their own best interests, so they let themselves be taken advantage of for years. Your parents and uncles are perfectly capable of coping if they have to.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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I don't want to hurt your feelings, but sometimes NO is the necessary word. Not to your grandparents, but maybe to your family. You sound like you're young, and love your grandparents. Which is so sweet! But, if you've had a good relationship with them, would they really want you to sacrifice your present and future for them? I'm not suggesting just move and leave them. But, I am suggesting, they are kinda your parents 'responsibility' and not yours. Let them be your grandparents, sounds like you deserve that. And, I apologize if this sounds harsh kiddo, but the brunt of the situation will be left on you as long as you allow it to be. Again, I don't mean this in a harsh way.
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Reply to lynnm12
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What I would do is look for that job. When you find it, tell your parents that you have been offered a job out of state. This means, they will need to be there for THEIR parents. That you feel they would be OK with some in home care. This means that they will "have" to do something. If you find they haven't you can then ask for a well call to make sure Grands are doing OK.

People don't tend to do anything until is plopped down in front of them. You love ur grands but its their childrens responsibility to make sure they are safe and cared for. They don't have to do the caring just need to make sure their parents have someone doing the care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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