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I've been taking care of my father in my home for the last five years.

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Shilty, thank you for the update. I misunderstood your original post. Sorry there was confusion as I thought the "wife" meant you were the father's son and it was your wife who was holding her Dad's social security, and that your wife wasn't helping.

Now, let me try to understand this. You are your father's grown daughter and it is you and your husband who care caring for your Dad. Your Dad's wife is 94 and is unable to help out due to her advanced age, and she lives elsewhere. Your Dad's wife gets his social security and adds it to the joint account. Do you mean she doesn't help out meaning she doesn't help pay you for taking care of your Dad?

Have you ever asked your Dad if he could help you with the bills such as his share of the groceries, gasoline for trips to the doctor, etc.?
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Yes gets her own social security and her daughter look in on her, however, the closest one lives an hour away. So I also help her out when she needs anything like rides. I've even taken her to the ER when she was in a car accident two years ago and stayed with her.
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Does your dad's wife have her own money? Do you know what her monthly bills and expenses are? That's a tough one because the wife does have a certain claim to it under the law. Does she have a family member or friend who looks in on her?
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Also I should say my father is 87 and his wife is 94 there is no way she can take care of him. And yes the SS check goes into their joint account. His wife no longer drives so it's me and my husband driving him to all his dr appointments.
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My fathers wife lives in their own home but father lives in my home. He is wheelchair bound and his home is not handicap asessible like mine and he is on dialysis three days a week from kidney failure.
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We really need for information. What are the medical issues that your Dad needs care in your home? What do you mean that your wife will not help you out? Like what?  Is your wife your Dad's financial Power of Attorney? Where is the social security check going, such as it is going into your Dad's checking account to be use for his care?

I find sometimes when a parent moves into a home, it is usually the wife who does most of the hands-on work which is very exhausting.  Did your wife take care of her own parents?  If yes, did you help out?  Maybe she is totally burnt out.  Does your wife work out-side of the house? Does your Dad have a caregiver who comes in to help?

Could it be that your Dad needs more skilled caregiving then your wife can help you with and Dad would get that higher skilled care at a nursing home, but you prefer Dad to stay at home?
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