My father's license has been taken away. He doesn't know, how should I handle this?

He's 84

I'm going through a similar situation. Had to move my dad in with me and take over Meds, dr appts. pretty much everything.I quit my job because the doctors were concerned with him being alone. he still gets around. baths . Walks extremely slow but gets up and dressed. his long term memory is great. Recently the doctor told him he could not drive because of dementia. He is furious, thinks a sheriff should come and tell him. He can drive just fine !! argues with me is very mean and nasty. I am going to have to see if the doctors office with contact DMV . I know it's frustrating and taking his independence . I understand that part I just am having a hard time with his nasty negative attitude everyday .. I have been getting anxiety because of it. When I show him the note from the doctor he talks shit about the doctor and who is hell is he to tell me I can't drive

1. How bad is the cognition?

2. A twitch or tremor usually does not stop someone from driving. Bad judgement, vision deficits, spatial perceptual deficits are the more mportant factors usually.

3. If YOU think it is obvious enough he should not drive, then yeah, just take away the access to a functioning car and blame the doctor if and only if it comes up. If you think he should be tested, that he might in fact be OK behind the wheel, tell him you have good news and bad news and its the same news, namely they could have but didn't take his license away permanently, but they say he's got to pass a test. And you didn't tell him right away because you knew how upset he would be. And when/where would he like to get the test done?

Definitely remove the car. He has dementia if he insists he will break the law and keep driving. Park it far away where he can't get to it. Let him settle down, stay in touch. Alert his MD to his agitation and ask for anxiety meds.

Remove the car and keys from his sight and accessibility immediately. Talk to him and stress your love for him and his safety and do it over and over. Also stress that he MUST obey the law and cannot drive with no license. Try to get him to agree to other kinds of transportation that will get him where he wants to go. Good luck. Be firm and stay within the law.

twopupsmom - Your answer is not exactly "helpful", but thanks for the information, even though I don't want to hear it!

The recommendation from his doctor was to get him tested, not to stop him driving, but I'm still procrastinating because I know he will be upset even to be tested.

follow the advice to make copies of what you will show him, the Dr at WRMC in DC typed it up in her findings, he tore it up every time he demanded to see what the " witch" DR said about his mind & driving. Jinx my husband still drove fine also, but as soon as any doctor says AD or Dementia in your presence and especially if it is in writing, that's what happened here, then I knew that day I would totally stop his driving, I truly felt guilty that I knew he had AD and could hurt himself or innocent family then there would be nothing left after the law suits came rolling in to take care of him when he needs it!

I would make sure he doesn't have access to a vehicle or keys. It sounds like he's not in a state of dementia, so he will remember? We never told my FIL that he can't drive anymore, we just kept changing the subject, or saying we're working on it. But he has no access to a vehicle. He's in a locked memory care unit. If your father is still up and about, this makes it much more difficult. Like others have said, you have to blame the doctor and/or the DMV. Don't take the blame on yourself. My FIL's doctor did inform the DMV when we requested he sign the form for the handicap placard (so we can get him to doctor's. appointments.) When he gets angry, just tell your father that he'll have to fight this himself with the DMV. Obviously he won't get anywhere with that, but at least he may feel more in control of the situation.

Do you have a piece of paper to show him? (If he is likely to tear it up in a rage, make a few copies first!)

I suggest using the doctor and the DMV as the bad guy. Show him the report, and agree with him that it's not fair, but that's the law, and there's nothing to be done but to obey it. Don't make yourself the enemy by explaining that he doesn't drive well anymore. Just tell him that if he drives, he will go to jail or have to pay a huge fine. Tell him about all the arrangements you will make so that he can still get where he wants to go.

Is there a familiar policeman or lawyer that could act as an authority figure to explain what will happen if he drives? Is he forgetful? Can the lawyer say that he will appeal the decision, and then do nothing? Then you can tell him that the courts are so slow, etc. That won't work if his memory is still good, but maybe....

You weren't wrong to delay this conversation until a good time for you.

I want to get my husband and me tested for driving ability. He's still really a good driver, but people have scared me about my/our liability in case of an accident with a "demented" driver at the wheel. I am struggling with how to approach it, because he still IS so good. One thing to take the sting out is for both of us to be tested at the same time.

Don't delay. He'll either have a fit now or later, but who knows? Dad might just accept it if you tell him the order to stop the license came from his doctor. But you know him best. There's also a chance he'll have a fit in "installments" as he struggles to take it like a man. Remain firm.