LivingSouth Asked May 2010

What can I do if my father wants to stay in the house and my mother wants to move to an apartment?

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LivingSouth May 2010
My mother cannot walk unaided and has mild dementia - although she has always been moody - and is very pessimistic. My father works part time and enjoys garden work. I had thought that if we could find them a smaller house in a nearby town which has more local resources for seniors, but..... My father says he will absolutely not leave the house and wants to remain in the community. My mother says that she will not stay in the house because she doesn't want to look after it. I do housework, transportation, cooking, bills, telephone calls, etc.
My last resort was to get her into adult daycare to get her out of the house, but she pitched a fit this morning and refused to go. We do not have many relatives and the others in my family are just ignoring the situation so I am stuck trying to deal with it myself.
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toadballet1 May 2010
Could you share with us their physical condition? Are they able to stay in their home with a little help? Does your dad feel that he will lose his independence if he moves? Have you taken your father to see gov. subsidized senior apartments? (the ones in our town are lovely).
I think my parent's generation were more attached to their homes...it was the "American Dream" back then, so I see why your father may be reluctant to move. On the other hand, if the house is becoming a burden, it is best that they find new quarters.
I would suggest "planting seeds." Take your parents to visit a few apartments or get brochures. Talk about how much freedom they will have without having to take care of a house.
I know how you feel, it took me 2 years to talk my Mom into selling her house. Now she says, "why didn't I do this sooner?" She is now in an apt., with a beautiful view, and loves it.
good luck
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