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My elderly father and mother live together. My father has had health issues that are getting way worse and he needs to see a doctor or he may be incurable or possibly die from lack of care. My Mom has tried to get him to go the doctor and so have I for almost a year.


I don't want him to die and and desperate for him to get help. I think he is scared and in denial, but nothing seems to work to get him to go.


I am desperate for ideas.

If he is mentally competent there is absolutely nothing you can do. If he is not mentally competent, but you know how he feels, why go against what he wants? He doesn't necessarily have to be afraid or in denial. It could be that he knows quite well that he is ill, but doesn't want treatment for various reasons. Maybe he just wants to live the rest of his days without a lot of medical testing/interventions.
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Reply to mollymoose
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Tell him his Medicare is up for renewal and a physical exam is now required before it can be approved. That may not work, and even if it does, he may not agree to testing or treatment afterward, which is his right.

Appeal to him privately; let him know that your mother and you children love him very much and would like to keep him around for as long as possible. So for YOUR sake, please make a doctor's appointment. Offer to go with him for moral support.

You can't save a person from himself, sadly. Barb is right in saying that if your dad is mentally competent, he's allowed to make all the bad decisions he wants to make, and there's nothing you can really do about it.

This is one of the most frequent questions/dilemmas we read about here on the forum: how to deal with a stubborn elder. Sometimes we have to wait for a crisis to get them taken to the ER for evaluation. If he falls and hurts himself, or starts bleeding and there's no other choice BUT to call 911.

Wishing you the best of luck getting dad to see the light.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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If your dad is competent, he is allowed to make his own decisions about his healthcare, bad or not.
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