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I took care of my dad years ago and he was mentally abusive toward me. he threatened me with a knife at one time and went to jail for 10 months. Now he lives with my brother and sister in law and he abuses her. He doesnt do it around my brother, so my brother does not believe it happens. She has picture proof. I have the proof also. how can she get him out of her home so that she feels safe. she has to lock her bedroom when my brother is not at home. there are sites for elder abuse but no sites for the elderly who do the abusing. how can i help her be free of his rages

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Brother is in denial, and dad is just cagey enough not to blow his cover with him. Is there any third party who could look at your evidence and man-to-man talk to brother about doing the right thing here? Failing that, SIL has to get out and let the chips fall where they may.
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Tawni, I want to endorse what Jude and Jessie are saying...your brother doesn't deserve this woman, and SHE doesn't need to stick around to get a bone broken. You and she should go to the captain, chief and find out why these cops don't have proper training in domestic abuse situations. Gramps sounds like he's majorly mentally ill.
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Me too Jessie. She needs to just walk away because both are abusing her your brother for not believing her and your Dad too. No options - just walk away and ring APS. Trust me when he aint being looked after someone will do something. Either way it won't be her problem
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I have a hard time getting past wanting to kick your brother's butt. He needs to get his wife's back. If he can't do that, he doesn't deserve this good woman. I don't know how she puts up with it. I would have been gone long time ago.
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no i am gonna check into that now
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The photos of the bruises should be evidence enough.

Have you contacted a battered women's shelter, or any agency that intervenes on behalf of physically battered women?
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the doctors know, the police know, and they tell her there is nothing that can be done until he really causes harm. i think brusies are harm
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thank you all so much. i love my brother, but he runs when there is problems
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Windy's right - if she has to leave, then she should, for her own health and safety's sake.
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I understand this is a tough situation. I'm a man and I would never expect my wife to live with or take care of my elderly father and he's a sweet old guy. If this guy is nasty and dangerous you and your brother need to step up and do whatever has to be done: have him committed, call 911, turn him over to the state. This is no way to live.
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Tawni, I don't understand your statement that no one will remove him from the home. If he already has a record, generally that's more reason for the police to consider removing him.

Nursing homes probably won't take him, so he may have to go into a more secured facility run by the corrections department.

But, he HAS TO GO!
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I would contact the police before the next incident happens, so they're aware that a situation exists. Then when it does happen, they'll be aware that it's part of a pattern, not an isolated or first time incident.

They should also be aware that he's a planned , and serial, abuser - he knows when to do it to prevent his son from becoming aware of what he's doing.

I would also ask for advice on preemptively getting him removed if he refuses to leave voluntarily, as well as advice on a placement to keep him from returning to the home. Go with SIL to the police and show them the photos or other evidence.

Once he's out, ask the police how to get a PPO (Personal Protection Order) to keep him from returning to the home, under any circumstances.
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I have told her both options. he has a felony and they wont put him in a nursing home. nobody will remove him from the home
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Here's the nuclear option. She should give your brother a choice, his Dad Or his marriage. Simple. She should get out and let bro deal with dear ol dad.....
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The next time he rages and she is afraid - she calls 911 and he is removed. why should she put up with this? Would she put up with a stranger coming in and threatening her? When he is removed - they need to indicate they cannot care for him any longer.
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