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She has dementia and is in need of in home care and eventually a facility. My father served from 1950-1985, but never left the states.

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He is retired guard and should be receiving a portion of his guard retirement. As far as the benefit goes (pension plus aid and attendance), in general one can receive a lesser amount than maximum award when it comes to non-service connected pension plus aid and attendance and one must be able to demonstrate a limited net worth.
Your mom however would not be eligible unless your dad was federalized into active duty for 90 consecutive days with one of those days falling during very specific and recognized time of conflict which have been recognized by legal proclamation.
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He had to serve during a war doesn't matter if he was in the fighting. Her care cost has to be more than her income. And I think there is a limit to any money she may have in savings, IRAs, CDs etc. I was under the impression that the spouse does not get a pension unless the the serviceman put into it. I hear that contribution was expensive.
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She should be eligible for part of his Guard retirement pension. You may want to check on that piece. Unfortunately unless he was federalized into active duty for 90 consecutive days with one of those days falling during very specifically recognized time of conflict - she would not be eligible for pension plus aid and attendance.
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