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Married almost 68 years - she waits on him hand and foot - he shows her no affection or love and regularly puts her down- she refuses to leave him

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mj78123, curious if the mental abuse by our Dad has been common throughout their marriage, or is this something new since your Mom developed Alzheimer?

If it is new behavior, it could be your Dad doesn't understand what is happening with his wife, he is now confused and scared, thus verbally striking back out of fear. With Alzheimer her personality is changing.

If this is how your Dad had been treating your Mom all these years, just let it go, it's their "norm", even though you don't like it.
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So you want to fix him now? At 90? if the situation gets too bad in the family's collective opinion, separate them. Mom is unlikely to do well. Her Alz probably makes her less tractable than normal.

It doesn't matter what you think of it, what neighbors think of it. Nothing matters except what's best for them. It's hard to watch those abusive roles play out. But I'm betting that didn't just start. Mom may be much more comfortable in that role than you think.
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