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My once supportive dad was always proud of my accomplishments, however as his dementia progresses he has become jealous and tries to one up me excessively for no reason. He was never a jealous person, except with business partners in sales in his younger years (30+ years ago). Its as if he knows I'm his daughter, but sees me as a business partner to beat at looking successful with.


I was raised a proud daddy's girl, and worked hard to be a good daughter. My father always was proud and cheered me on, but as his dementia progressed he became very jealous. He views normal conversations about my day with jealousy, and then attempts to "one up" me even if I am just talking about the weather. He is to the point he will blatantly lie about his accomplishments to top mine.


This has gotten to the point that calling to say hello is a negative experience, because he begins to get jealous, defensive, one up me even by lying, and also daily has delusions that he is becoming a super star.


When he isnt making up things to one up me about, he starts to act nervous then tries to teach me random things about topics/stories he is unable to follow and understand.


I want to be able to tell my dad "Hello, just calling to say hi, I had a few minutes when I wasn't busy today"...without him saying something like, "with my large company [he doesnt have one at all] and clients [he has none] I am busy too, much more than you...I am famous now. Everything I own is expensive."


It hurts to see my dad act in competition with me, versus proud or at least relaxed around me like I am family again.


Any ideas or tips on mindset or anything to help us both cope better?


I am considering only talking to him about his day, and never mentioning myself or family to avoid triggering him.

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Cowboy, as you walk this journey with your dad you will come to find that this site is very helpful and people here supportive. Come back when you need to. You will have many more questions anonymous969388.
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Cowboy, stop taking what dad says personally. His brain is dying and he is unable to know the difference between the truth and a lie. He is not able to understand your accomplishments he is not trying to take anything from you.

You are living the world of dementia. Your expectations of your dad will be replaced with truthfulness for what he is able to do. He does not understand your accomplishments. He is only trying to converse with you.

Have you tried to ask him about accomplishments that were his? Even this may be a bad idea and cause him frustration and agitation. Don't ask him in such a way as "do you remember?" He doesn't

This disease is brutal and caregivers can help by being supportive and understanding as the disease progresses. He is not trying to take anything away from you. He was so proud of you when he was younger, that person has become lost as his reality has drastically changed, never to return.
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Thank you so much, you are exactly right. I just recently learned of his diagnosis, and see how crucial it is to research his condition more fully. I sincerely had no idea (until some research last night) how severe this condition can be.

I also felt alone in how painful it was to adjust to my dad living with it, but now I see I have support. Thank you all.
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Your dad is young..I am going to assume (and we all know what that can mean...) that he is otherwise healthy.
He sounds like a perfect candidate for Adult Day Care. He could get together with others that he can talk to, do projects and in general get out of the house and just DO something. So he can tell you about his day when you talk to him. If he was a business man staying in the house with little stimulation has to be frustrating for him.
If he is not yet ready for Adult Day Care how about the local Senior Center when he can get together with a group of people and play cards, possibly an occasional day trip, have a nice lunch and again some stimulation rather than staying at home.
Depending on how much he can do or understand at this point even volunteering at a local animal shelter walking the dogs in the fenced area, cleaning cages, playing with the cats. Again he would be out of the house and doing something that he can talk to you about.

I also think that him talking about himself, his day is his way of helping him retain and recall what he did. If he did something and he does not tell anyone he may be afraid he will forget about it. Talking about what he did, used to do is just allowing him to validate his existence.
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My dad is in his 60's, and in addition to his dementia has other conditions that have left him virtually housebound. He mentally and physically is unable to do most things (including walk). I am his adult daughter, and I live 22 hours away, so am unable to orchestrate much. My mom is currently taking care of him, and I only recently learned of his diagnosis. I have so much research to do, but thanks to your comment and this groups I am getting more understanding.

This has been so painful for me, and as an adult has emotionally made me feel like a child losing their father. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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It doesn’t seem as though you have acknowledged the fact that his disease talking to you, and not the loving, appreciative Dad of your memories.
This is a tragic point in the illness, but once you have confronted it you will find your tolerance for his now inappropriate reactions will allow you to accept them for what they are, and develop a repertoire of responses that you can use to avoid triggers.
Bear in mind that he has most likely lost the capacity to “lie”, since “lying” requires more sophistication than the broken mind of a dementia victim is capable of accessing.
If you read over the second, third, fourth, and fifth paragraphs you’ve used to describe his present level of functioning, you’ll notice how dramatically his current behavior contrasts with the behavior you remember fondly from his past. That’s because his ability to self monitor and self limit have deteriorated because of his neurological changes and losses.
You are on the right track. Try deferring, or introducing a new subject if he strays from facts or reasonableness. It will be easier for you, and engaging him in disagreement won’t be helpful to him.
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This was exactly what I needed. I just learned of his diagnosis, so was inside how to process everything. This really helped me see things correctly. Thank you!
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I'm sorry that your relationship with your father has changed so much and has become hurtful to you. I think the only thing you can do is to separate everything thing you knew from the past and try to live with the reality of the present. I'm linking a couple of articles that may be helpful


https://www.agingcare.com/articles/caregiving-tips-teepa-snow-180395.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/playing-along-with-dementia-realities-121365.htm
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Thank you so much, I am about to look at these links now
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Dementia more often than not makes people self centered, probably because they are actually loosing their "self" and struggling to hang on. He isn't doing this on purpose to hurt you. Try to remember that when he was himself, he was a proud supportive father. Maybe talk less about your accomplishments now though. If it helps him feel good, just let him make up his stories and go along with it. You could even pretend to ask his advice or opinion if that would make him feel good. I'm sorry you are facing this, but try to keep in mind that it is hard for him too.
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Wow, this had such insight that really resonated with me. I only recently learned of his diagnosis, so this really put things into perspective. Thank you!
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Oh, I am so sorry. I suppose he is having trouble with his feelings.

I am sure he loves you. I hear the love for him that you have because you show concern for him even though you are hurt.

I hope things improve for you soon. He may be confused.
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Thank you so much! Yes, I am a fully grown woman, but around my dad feel like a heartbroken little girl now. I just recently learned of his diagnosis, so this support here really helped me.
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