My Father is my Mom's caregiver. He doesn't help consistently. How do we help?

In my own experience, somebody, even someone who is not a close friend, will likely tell you.....for example, I had a retired policeman in my neighborhood that would take the time to contact me and tell me that my father was wearing a shirt that looked like it was a filthy grease rag from his shop. (It was!)

Unless it is filthy or smells, this is probably not a huge deal, but when they refuse to put on clean clothes....then the battle begins. Any way your dad could put her clothes in the laundry room so that they are not so easy to wear again?

shergreene, heavens I put the same clothes I had on the day before and sometimes 3 days in a row, as long as I wasn't out rolling in the dirt or used my shirt as a bib. But the undergarments will be fresh each day.

Seems like my parents are always wearing the same thing, but if they aren't going outside for any appointments, there is no harm. I know my Mom still does all the laundry at her age [97] and she is very fussy how it is done, so I don't dare touch it :0

Just out of curiosity, what's wrong with her putting on the same clothes she wore the day before? Unless she's incontinent, a few days doesn't make any difference. You might try calling him at the end of each day and reminding him. It crosses my mind that mom may be sleeping in her clothes. Or call and remind MOM to put her clothes in the laundry basket.

Or maybe when you or others go over to visit, you can tell her you're taking their laundry for them, and ask her to put on clean clothes so you can wash the ones she's wearing.

Believe me when I say, Sheregreen, that this problem is inconsequential compared to others coming down the road. Its only importance is serving as a barometer for your mom and dad's mental acuity.

I guess my question would be what kind of real problem is this causing? Are the clothes stained? Do they smell? If not, it may be a problem more in your perception than in the reality of two older folks trying to get by with what they have to work with.

How old is your dad and what is his general condition? He may not see it as a problem or he may have enough problems just keeping up with your mom with Alzheimers and his own failing memory. This is the first of many things you'll be dealing with where your parents are forgetting to do things you think they should do. At some point (maybe soon?) they'll need more help than they're getting right now, if this is a problem for them. Do they have anyone coming in on a daily basis to help them? What is their living situation?

With older parents, we as adult children, also have to adjust our own expectations to deal with the reality of their capabilities. If they can no longer handle things, we either have to let those things go (if they're not important in the scheme of things - we have to learn to pick our battles) or get them additional help.

Is this simply a matter of GUY sloppiness, or is Dad developing some dementia. My dad has dementia, he is able to do most things, still driving, but can be totally oblivious to some of moms basic needs. Mom can't walk unassited. Dad will drive her to the doctor and not so much as open the car door for her or help her to the office unless she yells at him to do so. He's just stuck in 1970.

This is not a crisis situation.....yet. But it may be the beginning of a slide downhill. My mom and dad make it (sort of anyway) at home because her mind is still quite good and dad supplies the muscle. If you are close, more visits may be needed to keep an eye on things.