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The apt smells really BAD! My sister goes to visit at least once a week and she has said that it is bad enough sometimes when she cleans that it burns her eyes! I've bought anti-stink products and my sister has used them, but it doesn't seem to help. My dad has been told that there have been complaints about the smell, and if things don't change they may be asked to leave the retirement village. It doesn't seem to affect him. It seems a pity that my mother may have to suffer because he's just too lazy to change his underwear after he leaks.

He has said that if he changed after every time he leaks that "They'd be covered-up in 'em!" I don't know what that means if they just take out the garbage every day. I think that that's just an excuse to keep doing what he's doing, stupid or not.

I used to think that it might be be due to the expense. A big box of them out at Costco is over $40 dollars after all. Then I did a cost break down and found out that these little items are only about 50 cents apiece. Cheap, in my opinion, if that'll solve the stink problem, but what do I know?

He recently had to go to the VA for treatment of a bladder infection. My sister tried to tell him that that was probably due to his not changing his underwear often enough, but he just ignored her and said "It could happen to anyone."

My sister and I have run out of ideas other than putting him in a Skilled Nursing facility, but dad has said repeatedly that he'd rather DIE than go to a Nursing Home! If he doesn't change his 'wicked ways' (joke) he may get that wish!

Any suggestions would be welcome. Thanks in advance.

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Another place you can check for cheap clothes is your local senior citizens center. My town has one that sells clothes rather cheap, in fact so much cheaper than our local Goodwill
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Caring: Some Goodwill shops run weekly Saturday sales, where everything is half off. Plus they had a stamp card, where after 10 items, you get the 11th item free. They may still have this.
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A reply to Phystee....why the cleaners? Do you think the cleaners want the chore of trying to take out urine odors? Urine is not a easy odor to remove; I would just take the soiled clothes and discard them...if money is an issue there are plenty of Good Will thrift shops to find nice clothes. I went into one recently to look for wicker baskets because I create flower arrangements and I saw a sign Men's shirts 99 cents...so I took a chance and you know what I found? A brand new POLO golf shirt with the price tag on it for $29.99...so you can be sure if you look you can find clothes and save the dry cleaning bill....also get an aide to come and bathe your parent...the smell of urine is just overwhelming. I know because I do two loads of wash every day. Hope this info helps.
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Protect yourself . Call APS.
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Is his doctor aware of the situation, specifically that your father is resistant to changing his undergarment and to not going into SNF/Skilled Nursing Facility or nursing home? You should have all of this documented to protect yourself - because someone on the outside looking into the situation may think your father is being neglected and may call adult protection services - without telling you - for elder neglect and abuse - and then there could be a potential legal issue brewing - against you and your sister for not looking out for your father. This is no joking matter. He is at serious risk for skin breakdown, skin infections, bedsores, dehydration...You need to get someone to change your father's undergarment daily - at a minimum. If he won't let someone change his undergarment, then you should immediately talk to the doctor about how to go about putting a plan in place to get him the proper care he needs.
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I have the same problem with my dad. I ended up getting him a air purifier which has helped the smell considerably. I also got pads to put on his lift chair.
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It is the mindset of their "depression era" generation. My mother would wear shoddy looking clothes, including compression stockings with runs when I had bought her brand new. The same applies with this man; he is reusing the stinky underpants. Solution could be toss the stinkers!
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What is IHSS agency please
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The man I take care of gets his diapers from the IHSS agency. They in turn refer diaper supplies free from the local hospital.

I use the carrot and stick approach to get him to wear them at night.

If he wears them properly before night time he gets a requard. If not, in addition to wetting the bed and sheets and having to do his laundry right then, he may not get his morning cigarettes or coffee. This system works well enough here. I don't know your situation. It may or may not work for you, but I have always found the carrot stick approach to be mostly helpful to resolve almost any situation, other than mental illness.
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My dad was not wanting to change his Depends when he first arrived to live with us. We tried keeping him on a schedule but he would distract us & we'd forget. He was using the pads when he first came & was soiling his underwear & jeans constantly. I was doing wash all of the time. We did a little research & found a new Depends called "Real Fit". It is very absorbent & he only uses two each day (unless he has a fecal problem), one in the morning & one at night. We got rid of his regular underwear, as he can use these just like them and pull them up & down when needed. We even provided them to the hospital when he was there for four nights in August. The nurses were very impressed with them & had not seen this particular kind. They might be worth a try for your dad. We purchase them at Rite Aid or CVS Pharmacy & they run $1/each. Good luck to you!
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I would suggest you get some help.
Don't try to take on the full responsibility yourself.

You don't want to resent your father in law. It may interfere with other family relationships.

Good luck
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A home health aide would be helpful to cue him to toilet every 2 hours. Sometimes prevention is better than trying to clean up after the fact. The bathroom should be bleached daily to prevent infection. I have a patient with this exact problem and my aide has been toileting every 2 hours or requesting him to "talk a little walk down the hall with me" and stop by the bathroom and say, "let's freshen up". Stating "you smell of urine" or "you need to go to the bathroom" can be seen as showing a lack of respect and dignity. Even if the individual has cognitive losses, no one loses their emotions. Helping to empower the individual is better than to try to tell them what to do. Also a barrier cream should be used to prevent skin breakdown from maceration. Even if someone is incontinent of bladder, they should still be toileted to protect their skin, urinary tract and dignity. RN at ComForCare
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From what's described, it sounds like the person in question probably needs a guardian who can put him into a care facility where he can get the care he really needs. Think of how the ammonia smell is probably affecting this man's health. If it's burning your sister's eyes, just imagine what it's probably doing to the patient. Perhaps someone would want to start by alerting the health department to the problem, and then alerting the APS.
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We have experienced similar difficulties over the past #of years. Dad now uses the Depends regularly (refuses to use any other, but that's okay!) and at this point, changes quite often as opposed to leaving them on until overflowing as he used to do. He has not been putting them into garbage container however, but rather into dirty clothes hamper. :( That is no big problem as I am over there repeatedly throughout the day (he lives next door) and can easily retrieve and dispose of them.
I understand how difficult it is when change is needed - taking off shoes, pants,etc and then reversing order once new ones are in place, and it takes a lo-o-ong time, but at least he is still doing it for himself. Thank goodness!
We're also dealing with the showering issue despite hubby removing tub and installing walk-in shower with fold-up seat for convenience and safety. I occasionally have to resort to requesting a complete change of clothing and then standing by to be sure the dirty clothes are not put back on (it HAS happened) in confusion. I also check dresser drawers and closet regularly where dirty items quite often wind up by mistake! I bring soiled items over to my home for laundering as we have had to disable/lock out all appliances over at Dad's home.
I'm not complaining though. I'm very happy that Dad is still able to do so much for himself at this point, but I know as time progresses this will change. It is just all so sad. . .
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We had this urine odor prob with my FIL. Doc said that one of the first senses to lose as we age is sense of smell. When we asked, FIL said he didn't smell the (overwhelming) odor! Just take the soiled clothes & other things to the cleaners - just do it without asking. And talk to a doc and care experts about your options. Good luck.
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Get some regular help. There are plenty of agencies and volunteers who help with elder care. Stop trying to save a few pennies or tale on the entire burden on yourselves. Obviously your mother cant or wont take care of it by herself. So get some help.
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Caringandloving is right if you cannot stay on top of it, it's time for a change it is not fair to dad mom and others around them.
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If your parent is a retired Veteran, they can get all urinary supplies sent to them...if you do not stay on top of the urine odor it will overcome the entire home.....you must use waterproof covers on the mattress before the urine gets on the mattress; if it gets soaked before you purchase the pad you have to get rid of the mattress; and any furniture that has been compromised with leaks...you have to get rid of these odors; it can be overwhelming. You cannot reason with a Dimentia patient; very difficult to do; if a caretaker cannot get on top of this situation then the patient needs to be in a nursing facility when they would get round the clock care....I am a caretaker and get help from the V.A...if my husband gets to a point where I cannot care for him and he gets too difficult to treat I will not hesitate and put him in a V.A. foster care program to save my own sanity.
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As mentioned encourage use of pad or guard type inserts which make it much easier to stay dry. You should do a room by room smell check when they are down at lunch or dinner, check every chair, couch, bed etc. Also check carpet. Get dad a medium size trash can with lid and those sented trash bags ( dollar store even carrys them) dont make the trash can to big or they will just pile up in there. Check on a room air purifyer. We used one for someone where there was a huge urine smell problem after cleaning carpet and in two days the difference was amazing. Set airfresheners outside their apartment if they have one of those little shelves by the door, or hang an auto airfreshner on the door to help keep the smell out of hall way. Then do a sweep of all dads clothes, if he doesn't change his depends regular then I suspect the same with clothes and closet and drawers are most likely hiding smelly clothes. Wash clothes in detergent with cup of vinager to help remove smell. These are suggestions that I hope will help. It is embarassing to have to deal with but they may be asked to move if not handled. You also may want to consider an aid coming in couple times a day to check things and help dad stay clean. Best of luck, I know what you are going through. One last tip after cleaning seating areas pads on them to keep clean. And be prepared you may have to pitch some furniture sometimes cleaning brings out more smell. Big hug to you and mom and dad.
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My Dad was the same way. And my Mom wasn't there to take care of him anymore. I had to start washing his clothes once a week, including what he was wearing, and insisting he change. He wouldn't on his own. He went along with it, surprisingly. It isn't sanitary, and he can't go out in public like that, so it is up to you unless you can find someone to come over his house and do his laundry.
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His behavior is not only troubling as it can cause health problems, but it also may signal that something else is going on with him. How does he function in other areas of his life? Does he pay bills, bathe, dress, shop, stay oriented to time and place?

My loved one started out refusing to bathe, change her clothes or her linens. They were filthy, but she just said she was okay with it. Her behavior was exasperating, but it progressed until it was diagnosed as dementia. I would check on other things and see if you can figure out what is really causing this urine problem with your dad.

If he will listen to reason and change his behavior, that's great, but if he refuses, then I would start to figure a way to get him help. Your mom may not be able to handle it, if she is already overwhelmed.
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Michael, it took a while for my Mom to get Dad to start wearing Guard pads because he said they felt uncomfortable.... and he had this concept that pads were only for women. So there was a gender struggle for awhile.

This year I noticed my parents were saving their Depends and pads and reusing them... good grief.... no wonder the house had a smell. Dad now has Caregivers who get after him to change. They have place the Depends on the lid of the toilet so there is no excuse of not finding them. And Dad now takes a shower daily. We have thrown on the old kitchen chair cushions.

We always had large towels on the sofa because of cat hair, but when my parents came over to visit, I would hid a blue-sheet pad under the towel just in case.
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My dad started saving his used pull-ups to cut down on the cost. Eventually the smell made its way into the hallway and I discovered the situation. I told my dad to treat the Depends like underwear. If he had soiled his underwear would he save them or put on a fresh pair? Of course he should put on a fresh pair and in the case of the Depends, throw out the soiled ones. I let my dad know that they smelled really bad and that he just had to dispose of them. I made sure there was a big enough trash can in my dad's bathroom in which to dispose of the soiled Depends.

Just getting my dad to wear Depends was a huge chore but this habit he got into of hanging onto them became another hurdle. I think elderly people just have a really difficult time emotionally and mentally with the Depends issue.

There are products on the market which cwillie mentioned that can help. There are pads that go into the crotch of the Depends. Or you can probably just use a woman's maxi-pad. And like cwillie said, once the pad is soiled your dad can clean up with some wipes and not have to change his clothes as long as he does change the pad when it becomes soiled. He should check it about every 2 hours.
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If the odor is that bad then it is probably not just your dad's pullups, he has most likely had leaks and saturated bed, chairs, couches and carpets. A deep cleaning with a product designed to eliminate urine odors such as those found in a pet store may help. Follow up with waterproof mattress pads and chair covers.

I can certainly understand his reluctance to change, if he leaks often this involves removing shoes, pants and pullup and then cleaning up, which really can get to be a chore! They have guards for men which you may find helpful, he could use them inside his pullup, then he would only have to change the guard and the pullup would be there for back up. More economical too. You also might encourage him to clean up with baby wipes, they do a good job and will help him feel fresh and clean, just be sure he knows not to flush them!

I'm concerned about the cause of his incontinence, has anyone spoken to the doctor about it? Has he had his prostate check ups?
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