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My mother just had a 2nd surgery. How do I get control of my mother and her living situation? The husband has power of attorney and is very evil towards me. Can my mom sign the POA paper and then he loses POA? She almost died due to this man and he wants her to go back to the REMOTE HILLS with him!! It is a nightmare!! She is in the neuro/ICU right now!

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Does the hospital have social workers, placement specialists, or other after-hospital care specialists? Usually they work with the insurance companies and are very good at advising regarding living situations. It seems unlikely that someone in ICU would just be allowed to leave ICU and go home without scheduling rehab, continuing medical visits, and other medically necessary appointments or procedures which would not be available at her residence. And it sounds as though her husband is unlikely to bother taking her for continuing care. This is where you would need legal advice regarding who will be responsible for your mother, her funds, her living situation. Start talking to everyone you can and develop a plan.
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I know this comment is like closing the barn door after the horse ran out,
But
I am elderly.
I have given my daughter the ability to "be me" on my computer .
I do all my bill paying on line by auto bill pay. She is able to monitor, move money in or out of my checking and savings accounts AND my joint account with my husband who has vascular dementia but was able to give informed consent.
So far that has worked for us.
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Do you have to get control, can't you just help and advise the best you can, why do people have to get control of everything. a little degrading for the elderly adult. I'm sure the last thing an elderly couple wants is to be at war with their children or anyone else, if any help that was needed, would have probably been when they were younger, as for your father being incompetent don't sound like it if he wants to go heading for the hills, mother unable to care for her self, probably if you and your father helped her to cope she would do much better, rather than having a war to see who can get control.
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If she's competent, you can either see if she's willing to change POA, but don't abuse or coerce her. You can ask her but if she says no then there's not much you can do without going for guardianship or at very least conservatorship. If she's able to handle her own money, you may have her keep it all in the bank and just sign up through her bank for online banking. Using auto bill pay for the bills is very helpful but set this up from your end only, don't let anyone touch the bank account. Don't let companies come in to get the money, this is how people get double dipped and robbed. Setting up online auto bill pay is very beneficial to get the bills paid automatically so you don't even have to get up or go out to pay bills, it's done automatically for you. Furthermore, don't let your dad touch the bank account either if he's incompetent. If he's allowed to touch the bank account, the bills might not get paid. This is what online auto bill pay is for, have them come out electronically in full on time on a specific day, preferably on payday
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If I were you, I would contact the social worker at the hospital she is in. They would know how to (legally) handle her situation. They can also monitor what goes on between your mom and her husband when you aren't there. But be aware that if your mom is competent and able to make her own decisions, there isn't much you can do.
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Are you really sure that your Mom wants to continue care. Sometimes parents do not want to admit to their children that they no longer wish to live on medication and are ready to accept whatever happens. My mother refused treatment lived another year and than passed away.
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Even if she doesn't change the POA as long as she is of sound mind there is no way he can compel her to go anywhere against her wishes, POA grants someone the ability to assist a competent person and act in the best interest of an incompetent one, it does not give them the authority to force their will upon the grantor.
It sounds as though your mom is unwilling to stand up for herself against her husband, even when his choices are not in her best interest, which is really a marital issue.
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Since you think your mom's safety is at risk, I'd consult with an attorney. While your mother can technically appoint you as her POA if she is competent, it's difficult to manage the person's affairs and operate on their behalf if they are resistant or afraid to follow your decisions. Also, if she is under undue stress or coercion, she could withdraw the POA appointment at any time. So, I'd wonder if being POA would give you the power you really need to protect her. A court appointment of a Guardian, would be another option and I'd explore that with an attorney. It offers more protection and can only be changed by the Court's approval.
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She can change POA.
If she can't, or for some reason does not want to (fear maybe) you can try to get Guardianship of her.
This would or could be problematic. You would have to go to court. It can be an expensive process. And you would have to return to court once in a while to report on her status.
If you think there is a real danger getting POA from her husband (I am guessing he is a step-father).
If there is a danger to your Mom if she returns home, if she is still in a hospital or rehab at this point talk to the social worker and explain the situation. Or talk to Social Services or a local Senior Center. No facility would release a patient to a living situation that is dangerous for them.
As stated above a little more info would be more helpful to pinpoint an answer.
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Omshante, I am curious when you wrote that your Mom almost died because of your Dad, what in the world happened? Is there a chance that your Mom would move to the remote hills with him?

If your Mom is of sound mind, she can do what she wants. But it sounds like an abuse situation that maybe your Mom is in denial.

I can understand why you would want to be your Mom's Power of Attorney, and once she is out of ICU, see if she wants to change her Power of Attorney. Maybe she is afraid, doesn't want to make waves with your Dad. Why is Dad angry at you or is that Dad's memory issues doing the talking?

More information would be helpful.
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Just to clarify, your mother has cancer. Her husband (is he your father?) has POA for her. But you don't feel he is acting in her best interest. Is that a fair summary?

When you say that he is "completely incompetent" I take it you mean it in the casual meaning of "not able to function well" and not that a court has declared him unable to make decisions for himself. Right?

Is there anything wrong with your mother's cognitive abilities? If she understands what the POA document means, she can name a new POA (such as you) and rescind any previous document. She could also simply rescind previous document without assigning a replacement, but it really sounds like she needs someone to look after her interests.
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