My father suffers from severe diabetes (with every possible complication) He has renal failure and is on dialysis.
He has recently become immobile and bed bound. Needless to say his general health is extremely poor and his cognitive function is suffering and it gets worse with every problem he faces.
He has a permanent live in caretaker- who changes him, feeds him and tends to his basic needs. My father doesn't sleep at night and often has many requests- like a drink of water, or he'll want to turnover or sit up. I got him an electric bed but he refuses to use it, or he can't... I can't really tell. His caretaker is becoming increasingly frustrated and wants to leave and it's getting hard for me to find others because the lack of sleep really gets to them. I don't know what to do.
Some of them will ignore him at night when his requests get too much but then he will start screaming for me at the top of his lungs.
I don't know what to do... Any advice?
I live with him, I got the caretaker because I couldn't handle this situation anymore and i often have to travel for work.
He either respects others or he goes to a facility that will dope him into oblivion. His choice.
You must realize this because it was too big of a job for you as one person.
Even hospice isn't around the clock care unless you can get him into an end of life hospice facility. My brother was in a hospice facility and the care was wonderful. The nurses were top notch along with the social worker and chaplain. Look into seeing if that is a possibility.
You MUST develop a plan, it's absolutely imperative! A plan of action will also save your sanity when you feel ready to snap. If it were me, I'd have snapped long ago, tell ya the truth.
Get father into a skilled nursing facility or he may wind up outliving you, my friend. His demands are outrageous and you know that.....realize, before it's too late, that you DO have options here, even if your father doesn't like them. It's not only his life and his wishes that matter, but yours as well.
I agree with you I see a nursing home working much better than the current situation. The night shifts that I have managed to arrange all have a morning job- think they are going to sleep and get paid.
You could tour facilities to see which ones are suitable. Some are absolutely horrible and you can turn around and walk out and keep touring until you find one that you feel will work.
I don’t know anyone that has said they found the perfect one because all facilities will have some issues. Look for the one that has the least issues.
When my cousin was touring facilities for my uncle she left immediately if the stench of urine and waste hit her as soon as she walked in the door.
The other thing she was told by a friend who worked (nurse) at a facility was to look for one where employees are always busy doing something because if all they are doing is talking in the hallways then they are neglecting residents.
When my mom was in a nursing home recently in rehab she was double dosed with meds and the LPN was foolish enough to tell my mom that she didn’t want to return later that evening to give her the last dosage of her Parkinson’s meds. She told my mom to take the double dose because it wouldn’t hurt her.
I was upset when my mom told me so I called her pharmacist and the pharmacist made a good point by saying if she did it to mom then she was doing it to others and it was my responsibility to report it to stop her from continuing it. She also said that everyone is different and reacts differently to drugs and that a resident should never be given a double dose of meds.
Of course I reported her. Don’t kid yourself in thinking everything will be running smoothly all of the time. You will have to monitor his care but it will no longer be your full time responsibility.
Things do happen in nursing homes but report to the head nurse and social worker to keep it from happening again as I did. I told them that I appreciate all of the hard work that they do but they do not have the authority to take liberties with meds. As long as they assure you that they realize the situation is serious and address it, take it from there and move on. That’s what I did. The nurse admitted it. She was guilty. She was lazy and guilty and putting residents at risk by giving them the wrong dosage of meds. That’s serious!
I didn’t expect perfection but I won’t tolerate behavior that causes a serious concern.
Choose a home wisely. All residents should be treated fairly but the residents who are treated the best are the ones that have family members monitoring. You can also check if a camera can be installed in the room. Here in my state it is perfectly legal. Why should someone object if they are doing their job correctly? Cameras are everywhere these days. People should be used to them. I wouldn’t care if I had a camera on me because I always had strong work ethics and did an excellent job at work.
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