My father (90) had a brain abscess last September that nearly killed him, and has left him with a weakened left side. He is wheelchair bound. Due to his inability to get himself around he has to live in a nursing home. My mother (77) does not feel strong enough to take care of him at home. She has heard stories about how awful home health care is and will not even consider it. Nor will she allow my husband and I to take him home with us. Physically he is getting stronger, but he is deteriorating mentally. He has paranoid episodes and anxiety issues. For example, he thinks people are plotting be against him at night. He swears he hears people talking about him. Or he panics when his meal is not on time (it is on time, but he misjudges time). If it were just a physical disability or the mental issues - I think she might consider letting him come to us, but not with both. She feels guilty about this and centers her life around her daily visits to him. The visits are killing her. He sleeps most of the time and if he is awake he gets angry that she won't (can't) address the issues that he imagines. He can't accept that the issues aren't real and she can't accept that he is not same man he was 10 years ago. This repeats every day and has for almost a year now. She has isolated herself. She doesn't want to do anything with her friends or with the clubs and organizations she used to. She has stopped or limited her hobbies. Compared to most people her house is spotless. But it is not as clean as it used to be. She is behind on everything but refuses help. I think she is depressed. But she would never seek help. I'm not sure what my question is... How do I help her? How do I convince her that she doesn't have to visit him everyday? There are others who can visit. How do I get her to maybe look into home health care? Really - if she just had someone to come in and help him bath and dress he'd be good. I feel like we are passengers on the Titanic and no matter how hard I push she will not get in the life boat or allow us to put dad in.