He has Parkinson's with dementia and 87. As soon as he wakes up, after I fix breakfast and make up his bed he asks...what's the weather like out there? That is code for: Take ME OUT! My husband and I take him out to the senior citizens center, and then to the game farm to feed the ducks, ride around, eat lunch out and soon as we get home, 20 mins. later he wants to get out and go somewhere. It is difficult as we are tired and at every stop we have to put the wheelchair in and out of the car. Today I was sitting on the porch swing with him and my husband had to cut the grass. He kept asking ...where is Kenny? Where is Kenny? I kept telling him and hed forget. As long as he keeps his eyes on his son, Kenny, he is okay. He kept on and became more agitated so I had to go get Kenny to stop cutting grass and sit down with his Dad. His Dad said...who did you go see? Kenny said nobody. His Dad was very jealous thinking Kenny went somewhere without him. Then he said he needed to go see somebody, anybody, as he needs to be around people..he is a social animal whereas we are more like home bodies. We take him to church on Wed and Sundays and to the Sr. Citizens Center several times a week and everyday it is a job to keep him entertained. BUT...we can't get anything done around here that needs to be done and we need a break, too. My idea was to take him to the Sr. Citizens Day Care for two days a week so we can get our chores done. I know he will throw a fit because his son, kenny, won't be there. This is haaaaaard. Has anyone out there experienced this or have any suggestions?? Thanks, Pat

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My husband, with Lewy Body Dementia, goes to a day program 3 days a week. He doesn't especially like it but during his most lucid moments we've had serious talks about my need for periods of time when he is not dependent on me. I'm doing everything in my power to keep him living at home, and he has to cooperate as best he can. So he goes for my sake. I also think it is good for him to be exposed to others besides me and to participate in some activities. This is his third program - they are not all created equal and this one is terrific. He's been going 3 years. I think you are on the right track with considering a day program of some kind. And I hope you can convince him that it is a necessary condition of you being able to care for him in your home. He should try it even if he doesn't like the idea. Sigh. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck to you!
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Your fil's sense of time is askew. He most likely forgets that he has asked the same question or that he had already been on an outing.
To avoid burnout, you need to set boundaries and stick to them. He will forever pout or throw a tantrum, so there is no need to cave in all the time and be his private chauffer. Have him pick out the activities he enjoys most. Then you choose a day that is convenient for you and let this be "dad's day." That way, you can plan for these outings and he has something to look forward to. The senior day care idea is gives him more social contact which will help keep his mind active.
You will not change his behaviors...he thinks they are is just aggrivating to hear the same questions or requests over and over again.
At some point you may need to consider another placement for him both for his needs and for your sanity.
If you are just starting this journey, read what others have written. There is no shame in knowing your limits and you have a right to be family and not the unpaid underappreciated help.
good luck
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The above answer was great-with my late husband I had to set boundaires and would tell him he had to be alone for whatever time I said 20 min. or an hour and just pretended I did not hear him especially since he told everyone that I did not do much for him-it will be hard at first but you have to use tough love you might even have to tell him you will not be able to care for him at home unless he does his part-things will not improve if he always gets his way-he will get angry but he will get over it-I had to teach my husband how to treat me-after a while it will get easier.
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Hi goingcrazy--I have already gone crazy, so maybe I have an answer. Where are his friends? Most churches have senior groups, and there has to be at least one more annoying person he can hang out with, don't you think?
How about a "girlfriend"? Sounds like my Mother a bit, who has Lewy Body dementia, which is a combo of PD and dementia. She is more than clingy, and even the caregivers who come in every week are nutty from her. We are moving her into a very nice residential care home--which is what they are called in CA. Your Dad and my Mother need "something" to tone down their neediness and hyper-vigilant over-awareness of themselves.
Anyway, Pat, you simply CANNOT CONTINUE jumping every time he says jump. I know, I have had to stop. We are not Pavlovian dogs. We are caring people who have lives. Yes, we do.
Say , "Dad, you have been enough places today, so here are some headphones
(connected to a cd player or radio, of course) and listen to this..."---whatever he likes: music, baseball game, religious program, (self-help tapes--good one.) Let DAD pull weeds in a safe spot while Kenny (poor guy) mows the lawn. Make him useful. If Mother could see, hear, feed herself, dress herself, take a shower and go to the bathroom by herself, I would have her do something, but now she can't even remember she cannot do anything. Just sits there and wants someone to sit with her. ALL DAY LONG...... and don't go to the bathroom yourself, or leave the room, or anything that takes you away from her. Just sit there.
Good luck. We have had really good results with the headphones.
I'm with you, Pat. Good you are here. We can go crazy together. Hugs, Christina
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