My Father-in-law has started to try to fist fight my husband. What can I do?

When my dad found out he was losing his drivers license at age 91 he became extremely distraught. He wasn't physical as you described your FIL but his behavior was completely out of character as it seems was for your FIL becoming physical with your husband. We called the local police believing dad needed mental help. We already knew he had dementia but struggled with how much of his issues were the dementia and how much was personality or regular mode of operation, (narcissism) in his case. This moment was a turning point for us knowing he could no longer function appropriately without our intervention. Local police were not helpful. They would not get involved in domestic cases but rather only criminal cases. Even with several guns in the home they simply asked him if he would harm himself or others and he straightened up and told them no, so they left. Several weeks later I found him very confused and again distraught and called his doctor. He told me to take him to the hospital and he called ahead to let them know the situation. Dad was checked out completely physically and then admitted to the geratric psych unit. Fortunately I had all the POA and advanced health directive papers with me. He spent two weeks and they would not release him without us removing both his car and his many weapons and the ammo. He was furious but he was safe, we were safe, and others were safe with the added bonus of blame sifting off us. With dad's dementia and reasoning issues we found dad could not recall correctly he situations events. This later helped us to find an appropriate memory care unit where he is today. Just know you are not alone in this tough road. It's awful how one person can traumatize an entire family but family dynamics are tough and then mix in dementia and it becomes overwhelming. Reaching out helped me a lot in recognizing it doesn't matter whether the issues are dementia or 'personality' related, they are simply not appropriate and must be dealt with. We found the doctor to be our best help in our journey but nothing would have happened without the proper POA papers.

Babe,
As much as you would like, you can't fix this situation. You say FIL has meds but won't take them. Your husband won't press charges. The power is out of your hands. The only solution is to distance yourself and family from this toxic man. His wife has put up with his bullying for 60 plus years. She isn't going to change unless a tragedy occurs. Why anyone would listen on the phone while someone is screaming at them is beyond me. What a sad situation for all of you. Think of the relationships your FIL has missed out on by being this way. Sad

As I heard Dr. Phil explain last week concerning in-law trouble...it is your husband's job to handle his side of the family and your responsibility to handle your side of the family. I agree with others here who have suggested...let your husband lead in dealing with his father. Support your husband and be there to listen if/when he wants to talk about his father troubles or wants to take some sort of action. But, your role should stop there...listening to and supporting your husband.