My 84-year-old father-in-law moved in with us and I'm having a really hard time adjusting to having to deal with another person in the house. Any advice?

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My 84-year-old father-in-law moved in with us after my mother in law died. Me and hubby were having problems before this. Menopause grrrr. Anyway, I thought it would work because he's nice, quiet etc. Now its a constant battle for the big screen, (he has a tv in his room but its the old type). Hubby NEVER was into sports but now its sports and cowboy movies on the big screen all the time! Which is right up against our bedroom wall. So even my room isn't getting away. I work more hours just to get away! He eats every 4 hours, I eat maybe once a day! Me and hubby have been alone for 10 years! (Except the dogs). I'm having a really hard time adjusting to having to deal with another person in the house. I didn't want this! Hubby gets mad he tells me on my day off that I hide in my room like a teenager. It's the only time I have peace and dont have to cater to someone or fight with them for the TV. I have to talk to people all day at my job when I get home I don't want to talk but he talks over movies, talks with his mouth ful and spits food cuz his teeth don't fit right. When I get home I'm talked out and I like my quiet. But the tv is on and its talking time to him when I get home. Things that didn't bother hubby before really bother him now. How does that work? I spend a lot of time now crying alone in my room or on the way to and from work. I'm having a really hard time with this. Maybe its just me :(

Answers 1 to 10 of 12
Sorry for your sadness. I would imagine it will not change unless you do. Menopause is no picnic, but it will pass. maybe go out to a movie [not that you should have to] alone even once a week. Not sure I would confront, but that's probably what's needed.
Nope its not you..Feel your pain I have the same issue but x2 I got the package of MIL & FIL its awful no alone time feel like a slave no privacy at all.. Really don't know what to say to you..I know in my situation I really cant do much about it but try to keep myself busy at the gym or visiting my own family....And I know what you mean about eating every 4 hours my MIL eats every 2 hours & has her dirty hands in every thing she can in the pantry..I have now started to put my food up on a higher shelf.
Top Answer
It would really annoy me to not have my privacy. Staying busy is good, but, you still want your space and alone time. I get the part about not wanting to talk when you get off work. I'm talked out, when I get off. Still, FIL is still likely grieving. I'd try to be diplomatic, but fair.

If you invited him to move in with you, it would no doubt really hurt him if you asked him to move out. I'd likely talk with husband and come up with a plan though. I'd consider, moving the tv away from your bedroom wall or getting those two headphones to wear when they watch tv, so you can have some quiet. And, get FIL a new, very nice large tv for his room and explain that you want certain nights in main room with hubby alone as your date night. His feelings might be hurt, but, hey, you can't shortchange yourself. He should understand. I feel strongly about speaking up for myself and my happiness.

Also, is FIL able to go to a Senior Center a few days a week? That might allow him to be around other people and cut down on the amount of time he needs to be with you and husband. He may just be lonely. I get it if you two are the only ones that he sees.
You and hubby need sometime alone to air ur problems. If this was me, I'd be so you. It's ur husband's father and he wanted him there. Menopause lasts 10 yrs for some so it's not passing soon. Husband needs to understand that at this time of life your energy level is waning. After a 10 hour a day working and keeping up a house is about it. Tell hubby that sports and old movies don't interest you. I see no problem in you saying you will be going to ur room to watch a show u like. You and your husband need to find time alone.

"And, get FIL a new, very nice large tv for his room"

Problem is he wanted to bring as much furniture as he could from his apt. His room is packed! I still have 2 bookshelves in my formal living room that he wants to find room for to keep them. I want them GONE!! They have that old musty smell and are like 20 years or more old. (All his furniture smells like that and it gives me a headache) My house stinks now 😭
Theres maybe room for a small flat screen maybe but he wants one as big as ours and theres just no room in his bedroom.
We cleaned the wood flooring, painted and repainted the walls for him to move in. I had to get ALL my stuff out of the closet.
(Wine rack with bottles of wine that are 6 years old from a California trip are now outside and ruined)

I know I agreed to this, I know its the safest place for him, I would worry about him somewhere else, no hubby doesnt want to bring up to him going somewhere like daycare to give me a break.

We really only have 1 wall for the tv in the family room.
Its a long open room into the dining room and kitchen. Hard to explain.

Dont get me wrong, I love my father in law. My family isnt here so hubbys parents have been my family.

Maybe its just me :(

May I suggest that hubby take FIL out to a local sports event, be little baseball, pop warner football, the seniors softball, whatever.
It could be done in the evening or on the weekend but try to get it done on your days off.
FIL will have the opportunity to see tomorrows pros before they are spoiled by the scouts.
And then when they get out of site, Run off to your favorite ice cream parlor or beauty shop and spend time with Me, Myself, and I.
As for time at home, how getting yourself one of those things the kids have with their music on it and put your own music on it and lock your room door.
Just my 2cents.
Speaking only to the unpleasant smell, you might try a HEPA air filter; the one we have is larger than a humidifier, but compact. It can be set at 3 different levels of air cleaning.

Although it's primarily for air cleaning, it also refreshes and cools the room a little bit.

I put it on the night setting and it isn't quite as loud as the higher settings. If I'm dusting or making a mess that causes dust, I always run it.
Your FIL needs a place of his own. You are NOT responsible for him. And neither is your hubby. Stop enabling him to be the moocher that he is! Get a backbone and move him out.
It's not just you. :)
"May I suggest that hubby take FIL out to a local sports event, be little baseball, pop warner football, the seniors softball, whatever."

If only! My FIL doesnt like crowds, he says they scare him.

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