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We live in PNW and my Father-in-law and sister in law and her husband live in another state. We have been visiting him there since 2003. In 2013 his third wife died and he had to move out of that house. My husbands oldest sister had been laid off and she self reported "Dad had been financially helping her." She said they would get a house and she would care for him. She moved him o this house( which he bought sight unseen) not Ada accessible and heis a below knee amputee. She also had the will changed for her to have full POA and executorship. We have bee visiting there two to three times a year for the last 3 years and have seen his personality change dramatically. He what's been withdrawn, complaining and somber sleeping a lot. He would complain about "supporting Everyone" and we would ask him for specifics which were vague. In August he came here for the month and he told u/ that he had put $100,000 down on the $500,000 house they are all living in and he pays the mortgage. He also told us the my husbands sister had tried to get him to cash in his retirement accounts and told him he should be paying her for taking care of him, in addition to him finishing the $500 lease payments on her BMW and then him giving her his car. She and her husband also wanted him to buy them another house in Arizona so that they could live closer to her grabdbaby and then garner a rental income for themselves. Even though when they were confronted by this they said it was for Dad to have an income(it is not him who needs an income at this point). We reported everything to their state APS. My father-in-law totally turned on us unfortunately and said we put words in his mouth and that he never said all of this( how would we have known without his report? We wouldn't have). He never calls us anymore and communication is pretty closed. He is very guarded but told my husband he wants us to come and visit him soon. We recently found out that my sisters law got Veterans support approved for him and Dad is paying her $1500 a month and then she pays him 1/3 of the house payment out of that, she said this to my husband and said that the house they are in is hers. A breech of trust has hugely been broken is there something we can do to get oversight for him financially( by a case manager and also get some help and counseling for his very confusing behavior? We have no desire to take him into our home or assume this responsibility however if he asked us to and it was deemed necessary we would do it in a heartbeat. We just want him protected

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Private1 does well to warn of necessity for specific, detailed information. Many older folks talk suspiciously about others, such as (wrongfully) accusing someone of taking their money or possessions. Those who are not continually with this person may take such remarks as truthful events - when, in fact, they are not. The "missing" item(s) may turn up later. Even money that was borrowed (not "stolen"), and later repaid may never be correctly explained to the one(s) who only heard the first part of such a story: the unjust, unwarranted, false "accusation". Those in the habit of verbally expressing such quick judgments and accusations - are often remiss about correcting their story when it's proven to be untrue. They leave the original remarks in circulation, where damage can be done, and persons permanently hurt. It is wise not to jump to conclusions, and to remember that old adage "Don't believe everything you hear!"
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The best thing you can do if you suspect abuse is to immediately reported to the APS in the area where it's happening. I found that when I was dealing with a situation in my town, I eventually discovered that they couldn't do anything without enough information, despite giving all of the information I had. The best thing to do when reporting to the APS is to gather as much information as absolutely possible so that they have enough to go on in order to act appropriately. There was no abuse in the specific case I dealt with, but there were definitely other things going on that required help I couldn't deliver alone. I'm surprised at how well the situation was handled, because they could've easily run into a situation where the person never answers the door if they live alone.

If there happens to be a situation of financial abuse, hopefully the person being financially abused will know enough to tell the bank so that the bank and take appropriate actions. Sometimes a person may claim there's financial abuse when really there's not. This can actually happen if the person happens to have dementia. Dementia can be very hard to recognize if you've never dealt with it before, Especially if you happen to be close to that person. Sometimes the closer you are to someone, the harder something can be to spot and recognize for anyone who's never dealt with it. No matter the case, telling the APS of any suspicions is the only recourse of action that you have to spark an investigation to see if there really is abuse going on. If there is, the APS can take proper action. What can end up happening is that the APS can somehow manage to get the carries into the hands of a court. If this happens, a guardian may very well be assigned to that principle. If that guardian happens to also be a big shot lawyer, you can just about that but they hold all power of decision-making on behalf of the principal. That guardian may very well cut off all visitation if they deem necessary for reasons unknown to you, even if you've done nothing wrong. I've seen this happen, so I know exactly what I'm talking about. When your contacts Aps, be prepared for things to take a sudden change, even if nothing is in your favor.
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Having been Caregiver for my Mom, until she died at 99, I agree with Tanzee. Consider that Caregivers from agencies typically charge at least $20.00/hour, that's $480./day, that's $14,400 for 30 days!! Nursing homes can cost $10,00/month; "Assisted Living" facilities $3,000. - $5,000./ month. Consider the payment of $1500./month a bargain!! Plus the fact that $500. of the $1500. is being returned to pay the house mortgage?! Perhaps you should sincerely thank the one accepting the 24/7 responsibilities of being a Caregiver, and be grateful. You're not doing it, nor paying for it! Be thankful he's not in YOUR home, interrupting your lives or plans. Perhaps you should be more supportive, and less critical. How about giving it a try?!
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Definitely find out what APS determined. Emotions can be a very difficult thing when/if dementia comes into play. He may have exaggerated, or even made up, what he said about providing for everyone, and about their wanting to cash out his retirement.
Then, after you've talked wtih APS, tell him you would like him to stay with you (if the report from APS warrants it). Like tw1129 said, he could be vulnerable to his current caregivers and feel he has to protect them to protect himself.
If there really isn't any abuse, then just try to make up and help make his life easier.
If there is abuse, then report it and contact lawyers if necessary. But don't expect him to foot the bill. If your child was in danger and didn't understand it, would you make your child pay you to rescue him? Hardly! Keep it clear that you're not going to do the same thing that you think your sister in law is doing.
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He's apparently happy where he is. He's safe and taken care of. You did what you could do, but without his cooperation, you're spinning your wheels.

It would not be the least bit unusual for a parent to financially rain on the people taking care of him. He needs them. He knows it. He's grateful.
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As full-time caregiver to my parents (both with dementia), I sympathize with anyone who is willing to give up their life and home to care for an elderly relative. I took early retirement when I realized how time-consuming caregiving would be - my father offered me a salary and his car; I refused the salary but was happy to accept the car, since I'm driving both parents around to their medical and social appointments. I just wanted to caution you in making hasty judgements about your sister-in-law, because it might LOOK like there is financial abuse, when in fact, caregiving is priceless. I would focus on your father-in-law's quality of life first and foremost, and pull back from the financial conversation until you know more. Why create stress in his life if he's OK with the arrangement? It seems to me that, even if the sister-in-law is padding her life a bit with his funds, it might still be in his best interest? A tough call, and it should be your husband's, since it's his father.
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As caregiver to my dad, I TOTALLY agree with the other comments. You should open your home to your dad or go and live there with him for an extended period of time. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Walking in the shoes of the caregiver is the best way to fairly and objectively evaluate the situation. It's HIS money. Not yours. Not your sister-in-laws. But, the person willing and able to walk-the-walk doesn't deserve to be second guessed unless there is evidence of physical abuse. Clearly, you care. Step up or have counsel evaluate the estate - at your own expense. That should put your concerns to rest.
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Maybe the only way you will be able to get clarity on this is if you do open your home to him. He may be vunerable to his current caregivers, thus that is why he turned on you. I wish you the best on this situation, it must be very hard.
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Difficult one this unless you engage lawyers and thats gonna be a hefty bill. You say MAY BE - you sadly will need actually hard proof before action will be taken. What did APS say? They have obviously investigated it and you do have to bear this in mind. If you don't offer you dad in law the option of staying with you he perhaps thinks you don't want him. I worry that you have no desire to care for him although you would in a heartbeat - thats a mixed message for sure....and perhaps he feels he has no options but to accept the stats quo
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