My 95 year old FIL has been in assisted living for 3 years. We have been extremely happy with the care he has received there and feel very comfortable with the staff. It is the best facility we found in our search, is only a mile from our home, and the staff is more engaged with residents than at any of the other places we visited. My husband and I are there several times per week, so observe what is going on personally.
My FIL has some dementia, has been wandering at night, been more agitated, and had several falls recently in his room. He won't or forgets to use his walker in his room, and is very unsteady, bad knees, etc. He also hallucinates at times, and that has also escalated recently. Recently, he has been insisting that a staff member shoved him, and that they "don't like him". He also said someone threw him out of the back of a pickup, accused paramedics of abusing him on his last run to the ER, and accused his nurses in the hospital of roughing him up. He has been complaining fairly consistently about the staff member shoving him, and telling other people at the facility, etc. Yet he expressed no hesitation in wanting to leave the hospital and go back to assisted living (I know, I'm expecting this to make sense and shouldn't be).
Given all of that, we really don't believe there is any abuse going on at Assisted Living. But there is still that niggling "what if it's true?", in addition to how can we settle him down assuming it isn't? To further complicate things, my FIL has exposed his ugly prejudice more and more, and the staff member he is accusing is African American on the night staff. Any thoughts on how to deal with this would be appreciated. We are also concerned that he may not be able to stay in assisted living if he continues to act this way, disturb other residents at night, etc.