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Up until this year he has been very active. He is aware of this and finds it very upsetting. My mother-in-law, 20 years his junior is also having a difficult time with accepting and understanding what is happening. How can we help them?

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Thanks to both of you. My father-in law see's his doctor at Cedars regularly. I agree my mother-in-law needs to just agree rather than augue with him but yes, I think she is scared. The hardest part is when he starts talking about his first wife, who left him, and how he misses her in front of my mother-in-law. They have been married over 40 years and I know this must hurt her.
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thergonz, I can understand how your Mom-in-law feels, as this isn't the retirement she and Dad-in-law had planned.

Now her hubby is in his full age decline, and she still has a long ways to go to catch up with him. So she is scared, scared that she would need to be full time caregiver and probably doesn't know what to do next [not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver], and scared that she will be alone. Therefore, she is probably angry with him, like how can he do this to her. These are all normal emotions.

Only thing I can suggest is for you and your husband to take his parents to places that they both really enjoy and where it is easy for Dad-in-law to be mobile. With Dad's memory problems, it is so much easier to just agree with Dad-in-law then to try to correct him.  Mom-in-law needs to learn that, too.

I remember my late folks, my Mom was in total denial that she was getting older. She didn't even want my Dad to go outside with his new walker. She didn't want the neighbors to think they were getting old. Earth to Mom, you both are in your 90's !!
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Dear thegrgonz,

I hear your concern given how active he has been. I would take him for a full check up with the doctor. It could be general age related decline or maybe he has undiagnosed issue like cholesterol, diabetes, vascular dementia, or maybe his meds needs to be adjusted. There could be a variety of issues but hopefully a good doctor can help pinpoint this. I know good health must be in important to him since there has been no issues till now.
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