You know him better than we can, so what are your thoughts on his expressed intent? If he given to threatening or making frightening statements, perhaps for attention, or is this the first time?
If the former, he may be in the class of people who threaten to get attention. I know of someone like this. Expressing suicidal threats gives them attention, which they need and want. But if he's in the latter class, follow the instructions of those who advise you to seek immediate assistance, i.e., 911.
And if he's overwhelmed and overcome by this loss of freedom, start trying to help him realize he now will (presumably) have chauffeurs. After a while, my father began to realize how much more he could enjoy our travels as he watched the scenery while I watched the road.
Perhaps you could think of a very scenic route in your area that you think he'd enjoy, and make an event of it, stopping for cider, donuts, dairy queen or more healthy meal. Pamper him; help him to become accustomed to being chauffeured.
For our elders it is one loss after another. And for some, the attachment to driving is a big one and a huge loss. The truth is that there have been many losses and there is going to be nothing BUT loss now, and that is what is dawning for your Dad. Many elders truly would rather be dead than go through this. But like the Dorothy Parker poem, they cannot find an easy way. So you MUST know that this is a serious threat. You Dad should see someone. I don't know if he has dementia, or what level, but this is a terrible loss and the depression can be very bad, very deep, because there is not a lot of upside to this story. To tell the truth I don't know why severe depression is not the norm in our elders. It's hard enough for me at 77 and of sound mind, still able to go on quite long walks, to see and contemplate the losses, and the losses that are ahead. Do let him know that you understand how he feels. Let him talk about it, explain what for him is the worst of it. Don't negate what he feels. Tell him you can understand how he feels. So sorry. For your pain. And for his pain. Let us know if you find anything that can work. I hope time will make this loss less acute.
you have to take threats of suicide seriously. Did you ask him point blank if he meant it? Confront it. Be there with him in a real way with your heart. Empathize with his loss of freedom, because that's what it is for a senior who loses their ability to drive. Be there with your heart and find out if he's serious. If you think there is the slightest chance he is, you need to make the call to report the threat. Get him some counseling.
If he threatens suicide, take him to the nearest ER and have him Baker acted. That's an involuntary psychiatric hold for up to 72 hours, pending re-evaluation, and it can be done on a regular floor of a hospital if the hospital does not have a psych bed. Remain calm and let professionals handle him.
Report it to his doctor, record him making the threat, call 911.
Seniors act surprised when they lose their driving rights, even when they have friends and family who have already lost their license. Why they do not better prepare themselves? I have no idea.
My hubby has Alzheimer's. His brain is broken. Put a brain that can't plan and add trying to get around and you can understand. My husband never took a bus or taxi in his life. Now he has lost all planning abilities.
This is so tricky, because you can't really "call his bluff" on suicide if he is serious :(
If it were me and MIL, I would first have to look closely and determine if it's a real threat, or a sort of toddler tantrum she's doing to try to get me to cave and let her drive. In our case, threats and acting out are a very, very common tactic :(
Also with her, after she was told she couldn't drive, she tried to get others (neighbors, friends -- who weren't in the loop and didn't know this wasn't allowed) to let her drive . . . help her find keys, etc.
Calico, you call thier bluff, by calling 911 and reporting their suicidal threats. An ambulance and the police will come to the house and they will not take "No." for an answer and off to the hospital he goes.
If the former, he may be in the class of people who threaten to get attention. I know of someone like this. Expressing suicidal threats gives them attention, which they need and want. But if he's in the latter class, follow the instructions of those who advise you to seek immediate assistance, i.e., 911.
And if he's overwhelmed and overcome by this loss of freedom, start trying to help him realize he now will (presumably) have chauffeurs. After a while, my father began to realize how much more he could enjoy our travels as he watched the scenery while I watched the road.
Perhaps you could think of a very scenic route in your area that you think he'd enjoy, and make an event of it, stopping for cider, donuts, dairy queen or more healthy meal. Pamper him; help him to become accustomed to being chauffeured.
Do let him know that you understand how he feels. Let him talk about it, explain what for him is the worst of it. Don't negate what he feels. Tell him you can understand how he feels.
So sorry. For your pain. And for his pain. Let us know if you find anything that can work. I hope time will make this loss less acute.
angelw43, does your FIL have any options to get out & about without driving himself?
If he threatens suicide, take him to the nearest ER and have him Baker acted. That's an involuntary psychiatric hold for up to 72 hours, pending re-evaluation, and it can be done on a regular floor of a hospital if the hospital does not have a psych bed. Remain calm and let professionals handle him.
Seniors act surprised when they lose their driving rights, even when they have friends and family who have already lost their license. Why they do not better prepare themselves? I have no idea.
If it were me and MIL, I would first have to look closely and determine if it's a real threat, or a sort of toddler tantrum she's doing to try to get me to cave and let her drive. In our case, threats and acting out are a very, very common tactic :(
Also with her, after she was told she couldn't drive, she tried to get others (neighbors, friends -- who weren't in the loop and didn't know this wasn't allowed) to let her drive . . . help her find keys, etc.
If the threat seems imminent (i.e., if there are weapons or pills he has access to) call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psych evaluation.
Take all threats of suicide seriously.