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My 86yo father-in-law despises children, all of them, not just mine. We currently are living in a situation where we all reside on 1 property with 2 separate units. Father-in-Law is the owner off the property where he resides in the in-law quarters and my family resides in the 3 bedroom home. My husband takes care of his personal needs and 10 acre property. I take care of my husband/caregiver, in-laws 3 dogs (as much as I can), 10 acre property and do my best at taking care of my own family of 4. Neither one of us are employeed outside the home. This has been our 25/7 job for 4 years now and before we married my husbands "job" since becoming an adult. (Im beginning to feel like my husband was born for no other reason than to just care of his father.)
Dad does not like the younger generation. He doesn't like them on his property and is demanding they leave. My daughter is 19, my son is 17, they are both step children to my husband.
Can my husbands dad force my children out of my home that he owns just because? We have had the sheriffs here a couple of times and they had us all leave. After a week I was told that me and my son could come back but my daughter was not allowed. I refused to return to a place where my children could not be and I was not in charge of making the rules for my own kids. I expressed my doors will never be shut to my children. Father-in-Law agreed to allow my kids only. No friends or family can visit. We all agreed. Every morning this man has walked in to my kids bedrooms without knocking just to make sure they had no one else in there. We put a lock on my daughters door. This morning he couldnt open it and came barging in my room demanding my daughter leave or he would call the sherriff.
So here I am, no savings with my husband being the only source of home and money and my daughter being forced out of the place I call home.
There is so much more but my family awaits. Any advice would help. ANY, trust me. I am at a complete loss.

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You can't just remove people living in your home that easily. As usual, local laws apply. It may take grandpa getting an eviction notice served on you or the kids. I'd get out before he decides to evict you with a shotgun.
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This is not a healthy situation. Move with your children, with or without your husband. See a family lawyer. Your children are old enough so you can go to work, your husband will have to help support them whether he stays with Dad or moves with you. So ... start over somewhere else. This situation is just toxic.
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It is Dad's house and he can remove anybody he wants. Ship the kids to their father. Find a job. Move out. Without a written agreement, you are merely a guest who can be kicked out any time.
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Bookluvr is right if your FIL in CA called the sheriff he would be the one in trouble not you - I had a similar (not really) problem with my almost 50 yr old step-brother who refused to leave my moms home when we tried to throw him out - since he had been sponging off my mom for almost 10 yrs. we had to serve him with an eviction notice allowing him 60 days to vacate. Crazy totally not fair since he is reaking so much havoc on my elderly dementia in a wheeel chair recovering from a stroke mother and us care givers. But in your case your FIL is crazy-mean, and that makes me wonder about the son (your husband) sorry to say - I would get my children out of that situation as fast as I could run! It's just horrible to be in an impossible situation like that I really feel for you! But peace and harmony with your children with what little time you have left them is too important, not to mention a grown man barging into a young girls room is just plain creepy!!! So maybe he can't make you leave before you can find a place to go - he can be creepy and make your life miserable if your husband can't see this than maybe those two diserve each other. I have had to leave relationships that were not good for me so I know how hard it is - but you will get over it and it does get better. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way - Anyone who does not respect you and your children does not deserve you. Make a better life for your self. Wishing you peace.
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Ba8alou, I think so. Gave it a shot but we'll see what happens. A dire straits scenario sounds familiar.
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Well... where is your husband in all of this? Is his first priority on FIL, and then You and then your kids? If so, you need to decide what is more important in your life. Your husband or your kids and eventually your grandkids. Perhaps it's time to find a job? Even if it's a part-time one. You need to get your foot back in the door with regards to a Real Paying job. Because FIL calls the shots. You are at his mercy, since that is his home and his land. He already controls your husband. Sounds like he's trying with you now. If you cave in, and kick out your own kids, then he has finally Owned You. He will Not stop at this. I'm telling you now. Your part of the home is Not Your Own Home. He will walk in and snoop and even your own bedroom is not private. He's showing his colors. And you need to decide what you're willing to give up - for your husband and a roof over your head.

There are always other options. Scary options. But you need to decide what to do.

Wait a minute. I just checked your profile. You live in California? California has a law about being kicked out of a home. It made the news when this couple hired a nanny from Craiglist. The nanny stopped being a nanny and stayed in her room. They fired her and tried to kick her out. She refused. They called the cops. And the cops said that this is a domestic court and not a criminal one. The couple found out that there is a law in California that protects people - like you and that nanny - from being kicked out of the home. The owner must leave a notice of termination - that gives the boarder time to find a new place to live. So far, that nanny has been living MONTHS after this was done.

So, you need to find out what's your legal right there. I don't think the cops can escort you out. Check one of those attorneys who handles clients of no or little income.
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Eye roll......BIG one.
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Why were the Sheriff's deputies called and why were you all required to leave?

In effect you enabled FIL's arbitrariness when all of you agreed that only your children could be on the premises.

I'm honestly finding this whole situation difficult to believe. It's almost like one of those horror stories of the fundamentalists and their cultist lifestyles with a self appointed male who controls everyone.

What about the person for whom you're caring, or is that FIL?

You need to contact a social worker for your area; try the county, or call 211 the United Way hotline. Or ask the local police.

Ask about alternate places to live, such as a shelter for you and your children (if your husband doesn't come with you), or some type of temporary housing just to get away from this nightmarish scenario.

And don't tell FIL you've leaving.

Somehow, some way, FIL became too powerful, manipulative and controlling and has gotten away with it. The only way you're going to have a decent quality of life is to get out, ASAP.

And husband needs to get a real job so he can support his family. Leave FIL to fend for himself.
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Get a job and move away.
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