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I'm at my "wits end." My father in law refuses to listen and abide by the household rules. Since the death of my mother in law almost 4 years ago it has gotten worse. She use to do EVERYTHING for him. He has lived with us for 10 years. This is causing a strain on my marriage. We had an incident at home where I became very scared that there would be a fire. He used the microwave put two uncooked eggs in the microwave on a plate that is not for microwave use. I had put in cameras a week before this incident so I was able to catch the problem. He was told that he is not allowed to use the microwave anymore. He now knows that there are cameras watching him so now he "smirks" at the camera and uses the microwave anyway. This is just one incident out of many. He is combative, disruptive, disrespectful and at times obnoxious. What can I do? help!!!

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Contact Adult Protective Services and ask for their help.
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Does anyone know of a social worker to help me :(?
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You can remove the microwave. I know that's inconvenient. Also, since this is probably just the tip of the iceberg I'm not saying you shouldn't do the things the others suggested but I'm sure you have also put things in the microwave before that should not have been put in. At least once, come on, be honest.
Having said that, you are clearly burned out dealing with him.
It probably feels like your husband is choosing him over you or he would be gone if "He is combative, disruptive, disrespectful and at times obnoxious."
10 years is a long time. Your MIL being gone for four years has left you front and center with the problem. Is your husband able to take the lead on this? Is he willing? If he is able but not willing then perhaps you need to go on vacation and let husband put up with his dad. A 10 year old problem is not going to go away easily. Other things you can do is go for walks. Get therapy for you and your husband. Take a yoga class. You probably aren't using your best self to deal with this problem as you have put up with him for too long. I'm glad you came here to vent. If husband has deferred to you over the years, he may be ill equipped to deal with his dad but it seems like your FIL feels pretty secure in his acting out.
Come back and let us know how it goes. Give us more details about FIL health, husband's position etc, so we can better understand the situation.
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Get a social worker involved and get him out of your house into senior or assisted living - what ever his level of care. Your husband can then take over vising his dad and doing what extras need to be done.
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Get you husband to deal with his father. He's his problem.
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There are a few things that you could do. I would talk to APS and get a social worker involved to help get him out of your house. Since he damned near burnt down your house and even with cameras and being banned from using the microwave, he could probably could now be trying to burn down the house. He needs to go and badly, you shouldn't have to put up with that nonsense any longer.
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What can you do? What can your husband do, more like. What is he doing about this?
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