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Hello everyone, I suspect my father has had dementia for a while now. I tell him to go to the doctor or for me to take him to the doctor but he refuses. I was able to get a power of attorney over him and his property in Florida. My father stopped paying for his townhouse maintenance a couple years ago and got behind on payments, now he has a lien. I was trying to take care of it, but all of a sudden he gave power verbally to his sister and now his sister takes the rent money. She gets the check from the tenants when I was doing it for the past year. My father started falsely accusing me of things. He believes everything his sister says, his sister doesn’t like me. She told him I stole from him, that I threatened her and turned him against me. I have been paying for my father‘s care. He had a brain tumor and I paid for his surgery ($6000 ). No one in his family helped me. All of the things that he is saying are hurting me, but I think his sister is manipulating him. I know this disease is very expensive and he’s out of the country right now. I’m currently in the police academy and it’s stressful enough. My father completely stopped talking to me, barely texts me. I had a caregiver for him and he fired her. He mentioned that he got into an accident, but the story didn’t sound right. It was a confusing story, but I did see a picture of him because he posted it on WhatsApp. I recently saw a picture of him and he looks like he aged 10 years. It really traumatized me. I feel so broken and sad. No one reaches out to tell me about my father. When he fired the caregiver, they all said he didnt need one. It really gave me peace in my heart knowing that he had someone to watch him. He does everything his family says and they hate me. I know he loved me so much at one point and it really hurts. I was always a 'daddy’s girl.' They don’t care about him at all. I’m not sure how to go about this legally. I know it will be expensive. I have spoken to attorneys and they give me no hope. They say the situation is difficult because he’s out of the country.

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This is one of those situations where you need to work out for yourself, just how much you want to get involved, and why. It’s complicated, and others in the family are working in a way opposed to you. Is there a lot of money involved? That might make it worth paying for lawyers.

If that’s not the case, you need to decide just how much money and airfares you can put into the situation, also where your F is likely to sit in terms of the difficult alliegences.

It’s difficult to accept that things aren’t the way you think they should be, but also think of your best interests in terms of difficult involvement!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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If the POA naming you as his agent is still in effect, you could present it to the tenants and demand that they mail the check to you instead of giving it to the sister. However, your dad could revoke the POA naming you and give it to someone else; it's possible that he already did without your knowledge, in which case there could be consequences for you, acting improperly without knowing it or intending to. I know it's heartbreaking and I'm sorry you're going through this, but given your lack of access to your father, especially since he's in another country, you probably should just step back. I wonder if you should take action to surrender your POA so that you aren't held liable for things other family members are doing that aren't in his best interest. Maybe someone else here can advise about that, or an attorney could at least give you that answer. My sympathy to you.
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Reply to MG8522
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There’s no such thing as verbal power of attorney. Sounds like you’re up against people you cannot win over. Time to protect your own health and finances. Let dad be, hard as that is to imagine. I’m sorry for your pain in this and wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Brianaxoxo15 Sep 20, 2025
Thank you. I appreciate it. It’s really painful.
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Sometimes if there is no solution you may have to walk away . Especially after speaking with Lawyers and not getting any answers - Elder abuse is real and people with Dementia are not being protected as well as their primary caregivers .
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Reply to KNance72
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Brianaxoxo15 Sep 20, 2025
Thank you.
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