I'm so grateful and amazed at the wonderful people here that are in a position to help others like myself. I found this site by the grace of God, and I'm so happy that I did.
As I write this, I think I may either have the flu, a cold or what not. I'm just tired of being sick and tired. My father since getting laid off, ok unfairly terminated from his job at the beginning of last year, he started chain smoking in the apartment that we lived in, he knew I had Asthma and still continued to smoke inside, sometimes he would go out on the balcony and smoke, but it didn't matter, the apartment was like an Opium Bin. He and I had never really had a great relationship growing up. Both my "parents" for lack of a better word, frankly I don't know how I'm typing this to you. Anyway, hes in his 60s and at first when I noticed his chain smoking, the filthy apartment, garbage not taken out, dirt, my sister and I our cat lived with him. Our cat wasn't taken care of, he needed to be seen by a vet, overgrown claws, there was puke everywhere, he never got brushed. Our cat was kind of overweight due to years of our unknowingly feeding him Meow Mix, never give your cats that, its garbage in their systems. My sister got him Science Diet cat food, he lost the weight, and I knew to take him off the food cause your not supposed to keep them on that. our cat was 18 years old, he passed in 2012, my "father" never took care of him, "oh that's the cat just being the cat." he would say when there were puke stains all over the carpet when I first moved in. Sometimes my "dad" would light the same cigarette over and over, his shower was disgusting, having never been cleaned properly. He had a stroke a few years back, is diabetic, high cholesterol, blood pressure. He doesn't eat the right things, since he started chain smoking last year, his mental and physical decline has gotten worse. He at least used to bathe once to twice a week, now he waits 2 weeks and I'm afraid it will be more before he takes a bath or shower,.
He's short tempered, then again hes always been, not the father I needed growing up, emotionally unavailable to my brother sisters and I, my parents both suck, put it that way. The floors never got swept, I cooked, cleaned, couldn't sleep, anxiety, which I still have. He yells at me for not making food right, got lost on our way to my brothers house.
I was making hot dogs one night for dinner and I accidentally dropped one on the floor, he goes " I will eat that one, its the 3 second rule" I knew better than to give him the hot dog on the floor. A few days before Christmas I took a shower at 1:45am that was an opps on my part, he has to pee a lot cause I think he takes water pills for his blood pressure. I'm in the shower, he goes "what are you doing? I told him I'm in the shower, almost done and would be out in a minute. He goes "hurry up, I have to pee!" since living with him, I have become agitated and lose my shat sometimes. He goes "Don't sass me!" pounding on the door, and If I didn't have it locked he would have hit me in the face. Hes always had a temper... basically there is more stuff I didn't list here, which I might, Hes looking rather frail, and I keep telling him to go to the dr. but hes stubborn and doesn't want to. I do think that if he did they would find something wrong with him, since hes declining and it seems that this disease took from last year to now, its gone so fast in it's progression.
My boyfriend was dealing with the same thing with his dad, we both come from similar not good backgrounds and are doing the beast we can with out aging narcissistic parent or parents.
I'm just so fed up and tired of doing everything, plus looking for jobs, I don't have the energy to even try anymore, I know I have been sick for a while, maybe its a combination of the mild Asthma, not sleeping well, worrying whats going to happen to thee "father" I don't drive, I did what I had to and it kind of feels like I "missed out" on getting my license when I was supposed to.
None of my sibling know whats going on nor do they care, how can you give a shat about a parent or in my case parents who abused you? Like I "want" to do this, no I don't. Here is the thing, I'm kinda feeling under the weather, and am holding off on doing anything cause "thee father" comes first and he doesn't even care that I'm sick, I pretend that everything is hunky dori when I'm pissed and want to smash something. He doesn't do much, sit in front of the t.v. all day sometimes eats junk all day, sometimes not anything at all, it depends.
I'm going to have to go to the dr. for my own well being, cause I don't think he actually sees his own daughter anymore, it's like he wants to kill himself and take me with him. my parents aren't parents more like children that I had to keep happy from an early age, I'm so over this and I just want someone to say "hey, I love you and I'm here for you. Your going to get well and be able to live life again."