By clicking
Talk to a Specialist, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
This is the difference between saying 'we don't want you here' and 'we think you'll love it there.'
I agree to see what is available for Dad in your area and if affordable for him. Then be honest. Dad its been 2 years since Moms death. I think its time to find a place of your own. I have been told there are a few places you might like and afford.
Then you have to deal with the reaction. You don't say why its time for him to leave so hard to give advice without a reason.
I agree with others who say you have a right to decide to put yourself first.
Your father should have planned for his old age. He did not. Instead his plan was to depend on you. That was very selfish.
Here is what you can do:
1: You can sit him down and say dad this in not working and you are a grown man and you need to find your own place, I will only be a phone call away.
If he has dementia or is disabled in a way that makes it impossible for him to be independent you can bring him to "a place for mom" to ask for advice on where to place him based on his income level.
He must be collecting social security. There are a few very affordable government run facilities.
You will get advice here from people who have very loving and responsible parents and they may lay a guilt trip on you.
But the reality is that not everyone had loving or responsible parents. Some here had abusive parents, parents with severe personality disorders, neglectful parents, downright mean parents.
If your parent is any of the above, you own them nothing. If you choose to guide them to an appropriate facility then you are going above and beyond what they likely did for you.
I've reached out to my family and while they sit back and judge and criticize - I get hardly any reprieve. They go about their life traveling and having their privacy. At this point I'm just MAD - mad at the Universe, God or whoever is in charge. I don't understand why I can't have a NORMAL life. I feel like I've had to pay the price for her poor choices in life - 2 alcoholic husbands - always trying to find a cheap or free place to live and then complaining about her situation - making my life HELL by her constant criticism. I'm mainly just venting - not sure what is down the road for me but considering she is in perfect health and her blood work just came back - better than mine - I feel doomed! Bless the caretakers out there.
https://www.agingcare.com/documents/Caregiver_Burden_Assessment.pdf
If she is desolate, she can get financial assistance, it's called welfare and it will help her with housing and food. Ever hear of section 8 housing?
If you are truly done being her doormat, kick her out with a list agencies that will help her and the address to the nearest shelter so she will have a bed.
My parents try to be that way with me and I just decided that if they wanted me to be there for them, they should have thought about that when I was a child. I won't ever let them live with me but I'll make sure they know who to call for assistance. It's more than they did for their kids. No guilt, no obligation, no regrets, I tried for years, they didn't- so here we are.
Be strong and fight for your life, my parents would not care if I died as long as they got what they wanted, sounds like your mom is the same. Take back your life!
2. What is his cognitive functioning? you need to ascertain this to know how to communicate/talk to him.
3. Write down on paper why you want him to leave for your own clarity to later on talk to him. This WRITING is important, don't just think about it -
4. Write down your fears or resistance to telling him how you feel.
Write down how you value yourself 1-2-3.
Write down your feelings, i.e., guilt ? confusion? and how you will deal with these feelings. If you do not know, he may very easily talk you out of it.
5. While you will need to flush out alternative housing resources (every city, county, state likely is somewhat different), you will need to be clear on your fears and reluctance first. You need to come from a place of grounded inner strength before talking to him. You can always still be honest, i.e., if he is of sound mind, you can say, 'this is really hard for me . . . I feel very conflicted . . . I've given this very serious consideration . . . this is some of the research I've done . . . here are some options. Remember, it is important to give options rather than set up for a yes or no response.
5a. Practice standing your ground. He may try all kinds of strategies to get you to change your mind, incl guilt, anger, etc. (I do not know his temperment; be prepared.)
6. Find out if his financial resources will get him in affordable or Section 8 housing. Most of these housing options have 'years' waiting lists.
Good luck ! Put yourself first to be available to him later on. gena.