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Both parents passed their license exam last fall, unsure to this day how. For several months, Mom has had to tell Dad how to get around town; where to turn, how far to go, even how to get to the next town to church when he goes alone on Sunday. She has not driven in several yrs due to poor vision. On Wed, he got in the car and 2 hrs later, the local police called my sister to say that they had found him 1 mile away in the Walmart parking lot, very confused. He had stopped someone walking by and he was not making sense, didn't know where he was, where he lived, how he got there or how to get back. EMS/PD were called, he refused to go to the hospital. My sister arrived and drove him home, the car and drivers license were taken away pending another DMV test. So, needless to say he is very angry and thinks everyone is "ganging up" on him. He promises to let Mom do the driving but we all know how that will play out. Background: he's always bullied his way around to get his own way. My mother has always cowered down and does everything to keep him happy. Last Oct we moved them from their home to a lovely senior apartment 1 mile from town, the hospital, doctor, grocery store/pharmacy, they both say they like it there and seem to have settled in ok. This was at their request, not our agenda. There are 3 other apartments in the bldg. and they have met the other people there but my parents are not social butterflies.
I'm concerned that he may be having TIAs; he recently passed a mini-mental status exam at his PCP office and had a CT scan of his brain, we don't have results yet. I explained my concern that he could go off the road, go the wrong way in the driving lane, pull out in front of someone and kill himself or worse, someone else; he threw the phone down on the floor thus ending the conversation. They refuse to have help come to the apartment; in fact they have fired 5 housekeepers over the years. They really could use help w/ personal care, light housekeeping, meal prep etc. My siblings who live nearby are doing the cleaning on the weekends, preparing meals because mother has burned things up on the stove. We're at a loss as to what to do, we can all see how they could live safer if they would allow private care but they become quite angry when we approach the topic. We get that they don't want to lose independence, no one wants to take that away. I would be grateful for any suggestions.

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Thanks for the comments and suggestions. As far as the time of day/sundowning, he left the apartment right after lunch so I don't think it was that but who knows. Also, my brother took the car away and his license was taken away that day pending DMV/state review. The ID card is a good idea, thank you. No, neither of them will be driving and it will be my siblings who live nearby who will be responsible for driving them to appointments, store etc; there is no transportation service there unfortunately. They have both been told they are not driving any longer.
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Those mini-mental tests? If someone doesn't pass that they are clearly well into some cognitive decline. But passing it doesn't ensure there is no problem. My husband had dementia for 10 years, and I think he could pass that test to the end. That little test catches certain kind of cognitive problems, but not all of them.

Before his dementia diagnosis, my husband sat in his car in a neighborhood he hadn't intended to be in, and then wandered into a nearby restaurant. He was confused, slurring his speech, etc. They assumed low blood sugar and gave him a glass of orange juice. By the time I got there he seemed fine. We took precautions about his blood sugar and continued as we were. Looking back this was probably an early warning about his dementia. He had a couple of other incidents before we caught on. I wish I'd investigated that first time more thoroughly!

Giving up driving was the worst part of having dementia, according to my husband. He literally mourned his little special edition Mazda for a year. That was very sad, but it HAD to be done.

From what you write, I'm not so sure your parents would be able to stay in independent housing even if they would allow help to come in. But, one thing at a time. Do everything you can do to get both you parents off the road.
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Since Dad has to go to the DMV, how about just skipping the evaluation part and getting an ID for both parents at the same time? (Or take Mom first to find out the process, and Dad late next day since he's likely to be more resistant). They look like licenses but are just IDs, useful for admission to the hospital. I was very glad I'd gotten one for mthr before we took her out of state. She really did not know that we were getting an ID card since I filled out the form and told her to sign here (she was quite demented and getting lost just walking around the town she'd lived in 70 yrs).  The examiner asked me quietly if she were turning in her license (just on his computer screen) and seemed greatly relieved that I said yes.

I'd suggest taking out the battery for replacement. And forgetting to bring the replacement until someone is hospitalized and won't remember you took the car with that same battery away to sell it.
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Get your dad a thorough neurocognitive exam and disable his car. Talk to his doctor about how to get that. My mom, post stroke, with vascular dementia for three years, passes every mini mental they give her with flying colors. She would put her underwear on last, left to her own devices. And clearly should not be driving are car


You've reached the tough part of being a "kid"...the part where you have to ignore what your parents want and get them what they need.
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If I am reading this correctly, Dad had his license taken away - he should not be driving at all, at any time, any where. Consider the financial implications of an accident alone. Advise him if he and his wife want to end up in a homeless shelter this is the way to go. Perhaps Mom will get that. Now, to get down to it - NO ONE has the right to kill or maim the innocent. Period. He doesn't think that might happen? Well, talk to your friendly highway patrolmen. They will introduce you to reality - if it can possibly happen, then sooner or later it sure will. Loss of independence? TOUGH. Inconvenience? TOUGH. My youngest sister was slain by a driver who had no right to be on the road but I'm sure she reasoned. "Oh well, It's just a short drive...." The rescue crew had to literally pick up the pieces. The thing is, it is everyone's responsibility to manage their lives - If transportation is going to be a problem, then move where transport is available, pay a messenger to do errands, whatever. This is Dad's responsibility, like it or not. Time for him to man up and grow up. Life is generally tiresome and inconvenient. Deal with it. (And you can actually say NO to bullies and learn to feel good doing it.)
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It is very difficult to give up one's independence.... it's like trying to ground a teenager from driving, but instead of grounding for week, it would be for the rest of their lives. So your Dad did what any teen would do and say if the keys were taken away.... [sigh].

May I ask what time of day did Dad leave to go to town? If it was mid-afternoon, it could be what is called "sundowning" where an elder who is doing ok thinking wise in the morning but gets forgetful in the afternoon. My Dad had that.   If that is the case, maybe your Dad could drive early morning, after rush hour.

My own Dad thought about having my Mom do the driving, too, but she was legally blind, but Dad said he would tell her when to stop, when to turn, when the light changes, etc.   But Dad had forgotten that Mom can't hear anymore.

Does the senior apartment facility offer mini-bus service to different stores? If yes, time for your parents to give it a try... have them do a test-drive one day to see how it works :)
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