My mother has vascular dementia and my father a brain injury. My parents live in independent living with cargegivers coming into their home between 4 and 8 hours per day. I live 4 hours away. My parents will not move from their community. My mother has alzheimers. My father suffered a traumatic brain injury 3 years ago. Both have dementia, just very different. My mother is pleasant and loves to socailize. She has high anxiety. She needs help with bathing, dressing, personal grooming, and can not perform household tasks. Her memory is bad. My father is paranoid, very private and protective, and thinks he is fine. He does not need assistance with personal care or with other activities. His memory, judgement, and basic mental ability is getting worse. The caregivers we have are for my mother. My father hates them and thinks all they do is prepare meals. He thinks they have been "training" my mother to bathe herself, dress herself, etc and should be done by now. He thinks she does not need their help. He not only does not comprehend his true situation, he also does not comprehend my mother's true condition. He has been told to run his errands while caregivers are there yet he feels he must keep an eye on them and then drags my mother out after the caregivers leave. he leaves her in the car while he shops, etc. he probably should not be driving but if I stop that he will not use the services available and will walk to the store with her (has done in the past) - she can not make that walk anymore. He is so paranoid that he thinks I am stealing from him, conspiring with doctors against him, and constantly tells my mother that. He tells her over and over how all their problems are my fault and that he wishes i would move further away. He goes to the bank daily to make sure I am not pilfering their money, and is still sure I am. All his pestering of my mother regarding his paranoid thoughts are exhausting her and upset her so much she starts crying. She is going downhill. However, she depends on him and being away from him is very hard on her and has resulted in her dementia worsening in the past ( during his rehab, and during her own following hospital stay). I am currently planning on putting my mother in assisted living because she needs more care and supervision and to get away from his constant complaining. There is no way I am getting more caregivers hours in their home. I know he will not agree and he will push me completely out as being the cause of all their problems. I feel like I am just rambling and jumping around and not explaining very well, but I am so very distraught over what I feel I have to do, and what I think may result from it. So - I think I need to separate them due to my father's mental state and unability to comprehend and address my mother's dementia. I know my mother will not handle separation well and fear her dementia will progress rapidly due to it. I will probably hurt them both trying to help them, but leaving them as is is not working either. What do I do????