My father is 83 years old, was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. I’ve started to fully care for him September 2020. I have 5+ years experience in caring for elderly. It is different when it’s your own family, true. My father has always been stubborn, his way or the highway & now it’s heightened. He refuses to believe anything I tell him or to do anything I ask/suggest, for example he thinks he lives somewhere else even though he picks up the mail & sees his name and address, we’ll go to the doctor to check in (I just see what his responses will be) he’ll give them the right address..
If I suggest to check or change his depends before leaving home, he’ll get angry & says he’s done that already earlier. I’ve asked him just to check to be on the safe side but he won’t budge.
How do I convince him ?
I've played roles as to “I thought you were going to stay the night with me” or “We have something to do in the morning I’ll give you a ride” but sometimes only works for a few hours.
Another note, he totally refuses to shower! —My father can dress & undress himself still. Motor skills are pretty good.-
I've tried to help him, he doesn’t move. (He does not think I am his daughter also) I’ve got the whole bathroom set up for a shower & he has either pretended or thought he took a shower (not sure which) & come out with the new clothes on. He’s went so far as turning the sink on while shower still running (I check on him constantly while he’s in the bathroom supposedly showering) to wet his hair & make it seem like he has showered. I know because I check the back of his leg or neck to see if he’s damp still. He still smells. I’m considering getting another caregiver to give him showers but he gets angry when he feels like he’s being asked or told to do something he doesn’t want to do & will lash out, verbally & physically threatens.
I’ve tried to say we have somewhere important to go or we are having company over, he seems to not care.
HELP PLEASE! I’m running out of ideas!
Your dad has dementia and so you can try explaining things until you're blue in the face and it will make no difference to him. You are only frustrating yourself. What's also concerning is that he physically threatens you. His dementia is only going to get worse and the risk of physical injury to you is only going to increase.
Start looking for memory care. How much longer do you want to live like this?