My Father (80) has decided he is quitting PT. Any advice?

Remember, in this age range physical therapy was working on the farm, coal mines, etc. Paying someone to teach you how to exercise is pretty silly to them. (I know, I have an 89 yr. old husband). You can just support his decision and your mother's and let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps if you stop nagging, he will figure it out on his own, and you may not know what exercise routine he may already have on his own (mine does). Stay out of it, it is his life and your mother's to decide what they are going to do in their marriage.

Hi, sounds like good suggestions already - my idea of taking a break however, is that any more than 2 weeks, the person will start to decline. That should be enough of a break, if he was feeling stressed. My other thought is to try to sit with him sometime, over usual conversation, relaxed, and bring up the PT, and be ready to agree with him, in order to hear what it was that he disliked. Then agree, and say that's easy to change, that part, since it did so much good for you. Sometimes we look at things from the big picture view, but don't listen closely enough to hear of sometimes legitimate complaints. Another thing would be to have mom or anyone, do the exercises with him and with the PT - creating a positive bond to support the value of the exercises to him. Sometimes PTs may arrive with their own ideas and not make time to ease him into exercise gradually, so he could look forward to their bonding and encouragement.

Dawners I feel for you and I resonated with your comment about your husband being tired of hearing about it. Been there too! It is good to have a sounding board of like individuals who have been there!! My dad is 94 and always did everything around his home til he moved into independent living and no longer had to. He thought he earned the right to just sit and do nothing and I saw my once physically capable dad lose strength and balance because of it. Sit, sit, sit all day and maybe walk to get the mail and to eat. He got PT exercises to do at home and did them for a while and then quit. Two weeks ago he got a mild case of pneumonia and now he will begin PT next week. He got very de conditioned to the point he needed a scooter for the long ride to the dining room. Something we fought against for years. I only hope and pray he will continue or he will end up in assisted living. I think at his age he'd rather watch TV and die...it's so sad.
Yes PT can hurt...I've had two frozen shoulders and have a rotator cuff tear now but I'm intrinsically motivated to be mobile and strong. Some people are extrinsic ally motivated and those are the ones who usually don't make it. If the external reward isn't worth it and they don't have the inner drive, it just ain't gonna happen. Aging can change so many things....things I too will deal with as I age along. I hope all goes well for you, but you aren't responsible for his choices and can't make his decisions for him unless it's to help move him into ALF at some point.

My mom did all her rehab and the place was awful shes dead now so what good was the rehab.leave him alone rehabs dont do anything but draw out money from the insurence.

Great answers here. As an OT, I feel that people are motivated by what is important to them. A good interview by OT to determine that can get to the root of his fears, as well as what is important to him, and to your mother. Once you know what is important, you can then look at barriers and start to address these. Pain is a big one, as you mention. Best of luck!

Sunnygirl1, I had a frozen shoulder, too and you are so right, it was painful big time. One time with physical therapy I thought 3x a week was way too much so I cut it back to 2x a week... then I realized my shoulder/arm was hurting me more, so I went back to 3x a week and it was easier to deal with. Now I am on a break, due to the continuing saga of my aging parents.

Dawners, so your Dad just might need a break for awhile. But don't have him take too much time off. My Dad was lazy about doing exercises unless the physical therapist was a cute gal, then he was enthused :) But between visits my Mom couldn't get him to practice. Yet my Mom was doing exercises she was shown by a PT 20 years prior and was still doing them faithfully every day. Each of us is different.

I'll come at it from a slightly different perspective, since you've gotten very good answers so far about "should he/shouldn't he" continue PT. Whatever the decision is, if your mom and dad are like my mom and dad were, they're a unit and it's virtually impossible to split them apart to get one (mom) to act reasonably (bring in outside home health) if dad isn't cooperating either. You can set up scenarios and try to get them both to be reasonable, but at the end of the day, you can only do so much. So set reasonable expectations about how much you can do in this situation to make things better. It's tougher when our folks have some cognitive decline and may not be able to fully reason, but it is what it is. And yes, please keep us updated!

Dawners, sounds like he's got a lot going on. Maybe he just wants to focus on getting the paid issue under control, especially if he needs pain meds for PT. Sometimes we all just need a break.

GardenArtist - I had the same revelation today!!!! He needs to get his pain under control (he has been on a fentanyl patch for over 2 years) which he let the prescription run out 2 weeks ago. He used to take vicodin, but can't get it anymore on an ongoing basis without being in a pain management program. It wasn't helping much anymore. To Sunnygirl's point, I know it's very difficult for him...I have not endured what he has and I give him all credit (and mom too for being by his side). I will keep the cognitive decline issue in mind as well. It kind of makes sense when I think about how he didn't call his PCP for a refill on the pain medication that he needs. Mom was doing all of this kind of thing for him, but has been letting him have responsibility for the things he can do (he can hold a phone and dial now - couldn't over the summer). She still handles most of his meds, but he has to participate in his own care in whatever way he can - but maybe he is challenged still with even this.
I CAN'T TELL ALL OF YOU HOW GLAD I AM TO HAVE PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS...my husband is so tired of hearing me :)

Thinking it over, perhaps he's just "had enough" right now and needs a break. Maybe a few days of R & R at home might help him view continuing PT more differently.

I might also offer that as my parents have gotten older and pushing 80, I think that they don't really appreciate some things. Maybe it's mild cognitive decline.....I don't know, but I wonder if they really have the capacity to fully appreciate certain things.

I'll also add that it took all I had to push myself to PT when I had two frozen shoulders and I was in my 40's! It was painful! lol I can't imagine enduring long term PT in my 80's! He's done pretty well.

I hope they offer some helpful suggestions when you meet.

Thank you so very much to the 3 caring souls who responded to my question. It was very affirming. An appointment is scheduled for dad with the director of the PT program next week. I am hoping for a "come to reality" lecture from her and maybe that will bring him back to therapy. I also hope she will emphasize that if he resumes PT it is VERY IMPORTANT that HE provide feedback to the therapists. Let them make adjustments if something is really hurting him or wiping him out. This "throw the baby out with the bath water" approach is the worst! I am going to hold out hope...but his life patterns don't support my hope. I will keep the thread updated and welcome any other feedback, comments or information.

Eyerish is right - if your father doesn't continue with PT, he'll decline and pull your mother down with him. You're wise and right to address this now.

The problem is that he doesn't seem to be realistic or even considerate about what to expect from his family. You might have to be a bit harsh, discuss the situation with your mother, and draw up a list of what can and can't be done in the home by either of you. And stick to it so he realizes that unless he continues to improve, he can't expect either you or your mother to compensate.

I don't intend this to be a cruel or punitive measure, but you're right that neither of you can be expected to compromise your own health if your father is not cooperating.

I am adamantly in support of in-home PT and OT, which to me is just as valuable in its own way as therapy in a facility because the home is where the real world is - it's where he'll eat and sleep, and he needs to be able to adapt to it.

The other suggestion that might work is a "come to reality" lecture by his doctor, advising your father specifically that if he deteriorates, loses strength and mobility, he might eventually find himself back in a facility on a long term basis. I don't believe in scaring people, but sometimes it's necessary to get through to someone who is intent on making less than wise decisions.

Since you can't force him to participate, I might discuss plans with him and mom for when he is not able to stay at home. Look at the options so you have a backup plan.

What's your dad doing in place of PT? Sitting in a recliner watching TV? If he's not up and moving regularly and doing his exercises he will grow weaker. You're not blowing this out of proportion, you have a legitimate reason to be concerned. In time the burden of his care will fall to your mom. It's the old adage of "use it or lose it". When elderly people just sit all day they atrophy and get sick.

When your dad says, "It's not doing any good" remind him that he's not in a nursing home, he's at home and he's at home because of the progress he's made in physical and occupational therapy.

If it makes you feel any better your dad's attitude is not uncommon. I'm in healthcare and I've worked in rehab and I've seen many, many elderly people give up on PT and OT. They tend to decline without it. I also saw an elderly lady in her 90's religiously do her PT and OT exercises everyday. It took her the entire morning to do them but she did them and the last I saw her she was still living alone and doing well. I think the fact that she had a daily task to do everyday was almost as important as the exercises themselves.