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My dad is 88. He is overly infatuated with a 31 year old preacher at his church. She is meeting him at various places to go eat and according to him it is serious. At times his behavior is risky with how far he will drive to go meet her. He is not wanting to use his cane anymore, which he needs. He becomes confused at times and gets angry at times too. I want him to be evaluated by his doctor, but I do not want his doctor to tell him that I am requesting this. How does this work?

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sgeo...some of the behavior that you mentioned in your second post can be symptoms or a sign of dementia.
Personality changes, being impatient are common.
It might also be a time to reevaluate his driving as well.
His attachment might also be a sign.
I did not notice in your first post that he had been diagnosed with any type of Dementia but it might be worth getting checked next time he has a doctors appointment.
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Just because this lady is a preacher does not mean she may not also be after something more than friendship.. It may be innocent,, but it sounds sort of strange to me that he is driving all over to meet her.... preachers visiting the elderly in my area.. visit them!!
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I want to thank all of you for some great advise! My dad is very alert and self sufficient most of the time. A few months ago he was going all out to have the carpet and inside of his house redone. My son lives with him and cooks for him. Dad has become increasingly hateful over the smallest of things, unless you want to talk about the preacher lady. Last week my son took him to shop and he became angry at the elderly couple in front of him in the checkout line. He was saying some hateful things and then threw a bag of veggies at my son, telling him to put the groceries on the belt area to let these people know he wanted to check out. I may call his doctor to see if he can get him in for a check up. I do want to call the minister of the church, but my son says he feels that if m dad finds out that I talk to anyone he will end his relationship with me. I really want to tell my dad that his behavior has consequences for him and this young woman and that I do not approve at all. But???
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My friend had the same problem with her 85 yo dad, when he started going after women in their 20s and 30s! No one was able to explain his behavior, until they found out that he had been secretly taking Viagra pills.
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My question would be what does she want with him? That would be my main concern that she isn't after his money . He will need it. I don't see how he could be capable of having a relationship with dementia. Good luck.
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I agree w. Previous poster and know of many relationships that are 30 years apart that are really great and not about money. Age is just a number, they say. What you are worried about more is the driving and cane. Many doctors will tell you that a cane may only be needed on risky days, wet, snow...unless your dad is fall risk. Maybe a more dapper cane is needed. Take him shopping for a more handsome one? Maybe the preacher can pick him up vs. him driving. As long as the preacher doesn't seem to be taking advantage of him financially then I would let him at it. The best thing ...maybe drop in on a luncheon date and follow your first mind during it. Let them talk as normal and observe to make sure she's "okay" x
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I agree with speaking to the minister or perhaps elders of the church. I would also make certain that Dad's finances are well-supervised by someone who has POA. I always worry when I read that an elderly and mentally-compromised person is driving. I marine myself driving with my 2 precious grandsons and being crashed into by someone who has no business on the road.

I once had a friend who was dating a girl 30 years younger than he was. This relationship has endured almost 20 years. So, it's not unheard of. But that's not to say that you shouldn't keep an eye on this friendship.
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Is there another Minister/ Preacher or someone higher that you can talk to? Talking to this Preacher might not do any good. Not to say she has ulterior motives but....it would not be the first time someone in "authority" from a church (or other organization) got a vulnerable person to sign over assets or "donate" to a person, cause or organization.
If you do not have Financial POA you might want to try to get that in place. Make sure you track donations and other expenses.
I may be over reacting and totally out of line but I am a skeptic and this just does not feel (sound) right.
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Yes, you need to speak to the Minister. At 31 she sees a lonely old man, not someone who thinks romanically. He may not look at himself as 88 but a young man. She may have no idea what Dementia/Alzheimers entails.

Tell Dad Medicare is asking for a physical to be done. Notes are good. I had them for Moms neurologist for every visit. Like said, it helped him know where Mom was and what questions to ask. I agree, Dad should not be driving. My Uncle got lost in DE in his early stage of Alzheimers. He lived in NJ but knew DE well.
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Suggest to your dad that he needs a physical. If you can get him to the Dr., prior to the visit, write a brief summary of your concerns and after you've checked your dad in make sure you hand your letter to the nurse and that she understands that it is to go to the Dr. It has to be a short letter because the Dr. isn't going to stand around reading a page of concerns. At the end of your list remind the Dr. that the letter is confidential and not to mention it to your dad.

I had to do this with my dad. I typed 2 paragraphs, double spaced, with 3 or 4 of my main concerns. Once in the office with the Dr. he addressed the concerns without mentioning the letter I wrote him. It was very organic and my dad didn't know the difference.
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Why not talk to the Pastor? Since she's involved in this "relationship," she needs to understand that driving to meet her for lunch is dangerous for him. She can let him down easy.

My Dad also refused to use his cane when he was around the "ladies." I convinced him that he looked dapper with the cane and just plain old when he shuffled around without it. Now he's 96, and wants to use the cane instead of the walker on a date he's arranging. It never ends.
Blessings,
Jamie
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I see your Dad has dementia. What stage is he at? What are his living arrangements? And, I guess I should inquire as to why he is still driving. I understand that there are patches that can be used to slow the impulse some men at this stage exhibit. That would need to be prescribed by the doctor. Tell us more so we can offer ideas.
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