She was in the hospital last week for a slight stroke, which I later found out was probably because she was not taking her medications regularly. She is becoming very combative, especially at night and my dad is convinced her medications are doing this to her, so he experiments with not giving her some of it to see if it helps. Plavix was the latest one. She is wearing him out! She cannot care for herself without assistance. He is doing all of her care, cooking, and sitting with her. She is having dimentia problems - she sees things and people all of the time. It's heart breaking to him and he wants to care for her but I see his health failing quickly. I live about 30 miles away and work, I cannot be there enough for them. I have been told that hospice may give support at this time? I can go and help them and line things up, but by the next day they have forgotten - or the pill came generic this time - any little thing changes life totally. It's overwhelming. While in the hospital, it took 3 people and sedation to keep her calm at night. My dad is trying to do this alone and he hides alot of what goes on. What are our options for keeping her at home?
It does sound like your mom needs nursing care and your dad needs rest. He will fight putting her in a nursing home, but that may be the only option. You can tell him that if she has professional care, she will be safe and he can then be her husband, visiting her and caring for her, but not having full responsibility. Let him know that he could die first if he keeps this up and then where would your mother be?
Please talk with your mother's doctor about options before your dad (the caregiver) dies. It happens all too often.