But I accept that but the problem is I take care of him, although he swears he takes care of hiself and makes it a point to tell anyone who will listen and don't know the truth that he takes care of himself..The reason I've taken on this responsibility is because of my mom..She died in 2010 of cancer and she said and I quote " take care of the old man, he doesn't know how to do anything "..I've been emotionally abused by him my whole life and the pressure is breaking me down..what can I do?
Did your mother realize that your father abused you? If she did and she still made the request that you take care of him, I think you don't need to take that too seriously. She must have either been delusional at the time or was definitely not acting in mother-mode!
But you can still honor that unrealistic request your mother made. Dad doesn't know how to clean house. Fine. You help him find a house cleaner. There are agencies that offer that service, and also individuals who advertise in local papers and on grocery store bulletin boards, etc. "Dad, I'm not going to be able to clean for you after next week, but I can help you find a cleaner to come in once a week or every other week." Since he claims you don't do anything for him anyway, how can he complain that you are doing less?
Many cleaning services will do the laundry also. Many towns have cleaning establishments that will pick up and deliver.
Put as much of his bill-paying as you possibly can on auto-pay from his checking account.
See what kind of senior transportation is available for him. Or a cab can take him to his appointments.
Could he sign up for Meals on Wheels? Is there a delivery service in your town for restaurant meals? Can he run a microwave to heat up frozen dinners?
You cannot insist that he go to a retirement community, etc. But you certainly can make decisions about what you do with your own time. I'd say seven years of waiting on a man who doesn't respect you and has abused you is about five-and-a-half years too many. You would have been honoring your mother's wishes if you had simply gradually arranged for him to have the help he needs and/or taught him how to wash a load of clothes, etc.
What can you do? Stand up for yourself. Don't be bullied by an unrealistic request from your mother or by guilt trips from your father.
Does he live in your home? Do you live with him?
What care do you provide?
What is the state of his need?
More information please