I live halfway across the U.S. from my mother and my brother who is her POA for financials. As one of the faraway siblings, ---who I am hearing so often referred to on this site as the siblings who "do nothing to help"--- I am asking for your kind suggestions as to what I can do to help. I feel helpless and useless here, no doubt about it.
I have offered numerous times to come and help, come and stay so brother can get away awhile, come and help them move her to her new place (she is in Memory Care facility now), or to sort through her clothes, or take things to the Goodwill. Brother and his wife always say, no, it would be easier to just do it ourselves.... and then I hear long complaints about how we never help. I don't know how to help.
The one thing that would be a real help is if I or another sibling moved back to Mom's area of the country. Unfortunately that is the one thing that is virtually impossible, due to careers, our own families, and cost. So here we sit. I and several other siblings have offered to take Mom to our part of the country and take over responsibility, but all offers of that have been turned down.
So I call Mom regularly and send cards and gifts. (Big deal, huh..) I've offered to do daily calls if that would relieve brother of daily checking in. I've offered to call on specific days, if that would help. I get back to see Mom as I can afford--- two or three trips a year, which is pricey. Brother and his wife don't even offer me a sofa to sleep on, so add hotel room on to plane ticket. So, again, I ask, what can I do to really help?
I am looking for sincere suggestions, please. It hurts me every time I hear myself referred to as "doing nothing" when I care about my mom as much as my brother does, but I seem unable to find a meaningful way to help.