We have a set schedule but they won't stick to it? I was my grandmother's care giver for the last 5 years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers 2 years earlier. I moved back to her home with her and she has just moved into a nursing home 3 months ago. My aunt and my mother bullied me into being the one to move back home. They never listened to me until the last 6 months that I might actually be tired and needed some help once in awhile. By help I mean come over in the evening (after I am home from work) for an hour or two so that I could run for groceries etc. It was an ongoing battle the entire time and it was draining. I just stopped expecting help from them and toughed it out the best way I could. I used alot of vacation hours for grocery shopping! I longed for the days that I would no longer have to beg for their help and vowed that they would never again have this kind of control over me after my grandmother was moved to the home. When she first went in the home, they seemed to be coming everyday for the first week. Unfortunately it only lasted the first week and faded out. I was getting even more tired (if that was even possible at this stage) from going to the nursing home after my regular work day and staying until she was settled into bed at night only to go home and try to get some sleep to do it all over again the next day. I should probably mention that neither my mother or my aunt work! I hold a full time job. I finally had enough and told them that I would come up with a schedule so they could do a couple evenings between them so I could get home some evenings before 9-10pm. I made the schedule so that they both would have a weekend night off and complete days where they didn't have to go in at all. I go EVERY single day, was just trying to make it so I could eat supper before 10pm some nights. It was working somewhat, but everytime they feel a sniffle coming on or they have company over or want to just go out to do whatever they want to do, they opt out and just tell me they "can't" go to the home that night. Guess who it falls back on? Not once in 5 years was I ever absent. No matter what, or how I felt. I felt like I was going to do myself in some days but I just kept going because someone had to get my grandmothers supper and chase her up and down the city streets so she wouldn't wander off and get lost or hurt. They both tell me that she doesn't need someone there all the time with her. Truth is they are just too into themselves to consider how my grandmother might feel. They just worry about their own wants and needs. I don't know if I should do my regular hours and then go back later to do their hours as well or not?? Its not like I would be punishing either of them if I didn't go it would just be punishing my grandmother. So confused. Please any advice?

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Your aunt and mom have to and will deal with this in their own way. There's no way for you to force them into doing anything they don't want to do. Just remember this when their time comes and you have to put them into a nursing home. What goes around, come's around, I always say. When they start crying about the fact that you never come to visit, remind them of their treatment of dear old granny.

Having said that, listen to what the other's have said in here. Give yourself a break. I know you love Granny, but you have done your part in caring for her for these last years. Now it's time to hand it over to the professionals. Granny will get used to the nursing home, even if she may never like it. Few do, but in our day and age, it's a reality we have to tend with. She will tend with it. You need to live your own life. That's not to say never visit Granny, but a couple days a week for a couple of hours at a time is going above and beyond what most grandchildren would do, believe me. It's time for you to get on with your life young lady, and if your mom and aunt don't like it...tough!
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God you are wonderful. Why do the nastiest, laziest people have the most giving loving kids. Your terrific. You a great person. You gave for your grandmother, promise me you won't do the same for your mother. You need to step back, and get your life back. Don't go every day, take a vacation. You earned it. People like your mother and aunt don't understand there is a great cost in not giving of yourself. You are on the path for a happy fulfilling life. I am proud of you.
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All in all, your Grandmother is in a safe place being in a nursing home... there isn't any reason that you need to visit every day. Let Grandmother have time to bond with the other residents and with the Staff. If you are there daily, she can't do that. Don't let her miss out on the evening activities.

It is time for you to once again be the "grand-daughter" and not the "caregiver"... you cannot do both.
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Why are you killing yourself? Yes, I said killing yourself. This schedule is brutal. You can't make your mom and aunt into anything they don't want to be. They will reap what they sow. But you my girl, that candle can only be burnt at both ends for so long. STOP going every day. Wean yourself off the everyday visits. They will take good care of granny at the home. You don't need to be there every day. You are not punishing your grandmother by not going every day. No one is being punished but you. You do realize that 30% of caregivers pre-decease their care receiver. Change this pace. I would like you to stop and really think who you are doing this for. Granny or you. Forget the other gals. It is what it is. Cut your visits to a couple of days a week. Please think about it. You can do this.
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