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My family seems to think because I have POA that all the duties regarding my Mom are mine. Including talking to her and visiting her. I work full time and spend my two days off caring for her appointments and bills and much, much more. I live in Seattle and she in Ca. It's as if they are irritated that someone was put in charge even though one of us had to be. My Mom trusts me and that is why she must have put me in charge of her finances and medical decisions, but should I be taking on all the responsibility, I am getting very burned out.

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A Power of Attorney permits you to handle financial and contractual matters. If you are also Health Care Surrogate you are permitted to also receive healthcare information and make healthcare decisions.
You are not obligated to do anything else. Visiting, scheduling and taking her to appointments, and any other services you may provide are not part of the agreement.
If funds are available, you may want to consider taking payment for services being provided "above and beyond love and affection".
As POA you can establish a contract for mom with you to provide care taking services.
Once the sibs catch wind of this they may change their minds about pitching in.
It is a shame they won't help otherwise.
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Your family is wrong, Elliebabe. Print out the expert's answer and see that they all get a copy.

Decide what you want to/can do over and above your POA duties. Tell your family what that is. Pay for other services out of your mother's income or assets.
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Elliebabe, join the crowd. This site is littered with us caregivers who do it all with siblings who can't be bothered. I'm POA and my brother is retired, married with no kids. He can't even be bothered to call mom once a week so I can have a day free of caregiver duties. He forgets it regularly. I told him I can't trust him to do anything for her anymore. So you're not alone. I have given up on expecting my brother to do anything - it was only frustrating me more expecting anything of him.

There are literally at least a hundred threads on here on this same topic. We're all in the same boat. The only good thing is there is an equal number of siblings where one is doing all of the work and the others are there to criticize and complain about everything they do. So I'm at least grateful that my brother doesn't second guess what I do for our mom. That's my silver lining.
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Time to share the burden. Be very open about anything you sign as POA, send them copies. If you have email, simply summarize your visit every time you go and send to all. You don't say where they all live, but you should keep them informed about her medical visits, her mental health and try to get them to be a health care proxy or an alternate POA in case YOU drop dead.
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Is it possible that your mom chose you as POA because she thought others would be helping more because of their proximity? Maybe explain to them that you are taking care of the bills and scheduling appointments and that they should be responsible for taking her to the appointments and visiting more frequently. Good luck
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My husband is POA for his mother. She did not want her other son on it. My husband does everything for his mother. His brother lives 40 minutes away and does not even visit her. My husband asks his brother to help, and it constantly falls on deaf ears. I was a POA for my parents, but what that entailed was dealing with decisions which concerned their the legal aspects of their lives, and I was able to sign for them when needed, i.e. tax returns, checks, etc. There is a lot of anger that my husband has toward his brother. I have tried to listen, but that's all I can do. When people pass, the guilt the children have for not doing or caring for their loved ones will be huge.

Good luck, and try to get a little outside help, even if you have to pay, if you can afford it. Take care of yourself. Remember is something happens to you-stress, illness-you come first.

Loha19
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Well I live in Seattle and my Mom in Ca, I have a full time job and I am gone 11 hours a day. My days off are busy take caring of her needs, but I do it from here. I spend lots of time on the phone working with her caregivers, I write all her checks, make all her decisions, it's not simple, I do something for her each and everyday. Days off are spent making 3-4 calls a day. My sister recently said, through gossip that I should fly down there once a month on my days off. I have a small child. I can barely handle what I am doing now. I actually made a God box, where I put my problems on a piece of paper and then drop them in the box and then let go, My burden has been so heavy because my Mom goes from being normal to hallucinations, it is from her UTI's. My brother who is a psychologist and deals with the elderly doesn't ask much about her, his kids don't call her. I just don't understand, I am sad, I wonder why they don't fly down to see her, is it just my responsibility? That is what I mean,,,,,, thank you very much!
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Elliebabe, You have my sympathy. When I was caring for my father, my brother handled finances and my sister handled respite and suicide threats. That was enough so that I could survive the experience.

Just one thought, not intended as criticism. All of us, including me, expect others to read our minds. We expect people to see what needs to be done, and to offer to do it. Our families can't read our minds. Have you tried asking each relative to do a specific task for your mother? To call once a week? To renew her Handicap parking placard? If they have made it clear that they have no desire to help, or if I misunderstand the situation, please ignore my comments. But if they are generally decent folk, let them know that you are feeling burdened, and ask for an offer or request a favor from each one.

PLEASE don't be surprised and angry if they decline, but try again in a few months after guilt has had a chance to soften their hearts. If you can be tactful in your requests, I hope you can get some help, which you deserve.
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Good comment Eddie. I have had years of trying to get my mother to understand that when you give all power to one child and play favorites, as she always has, then if that one child kicks the bucket, then you are up the creek if you can't appoint someone else. Then the remaining child has to seek guardianship (at some considerable expense and trouble) if you don't have an alternate appointed.

Never put all your eggs in one basket. Amen to that.
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Just a thought. In many families, one child is POA, one is alternate, then another may be Healthcare Proxy/POA. And in the best circumstances information is shared between siblings and openness is the norm. But in far too many this is not the norm.

My brother has POA, Healthcare power of attorney, he is executor of mom's will, on her checks and basically calls all shots. He is an arrogant jerk as well. When she becomes ill or incapacitated in any way, he will call me to do the dirty work. I am sorry but I have been lied about, left out and treated as if I were a dunderhead. So don't call.

Maybe you should talk to your siblings about their behavior and what is exactly behind their lack of involvement. There may be more than meets the eye. Maybe they feel left out as I do with my brother and mother. Kindness goes along way in smoothing over hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

And if it is a situation where only one child can be trusted with such a burden, well, I am sorry that is the case.
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