Gave her dog away cleared out her house and on the market within first week. Have not been to see her. Will not tell anyone where she is. Daughters x 2 are POA she had lots of friends and I have been so close to her for 24 years. I don’t know if they have done something to her or what. They never spent any time with her and just want to erase her life. I know in my heart she is not doing well. Just want to know...

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Reply to Geaton777

My thoughts exactly lealinnie1. Many times the person with dementia showtimes to friends snd outsiders when it is actually a nightmare to family caregivers. In addition Blondie 13, costs for full time home care can exceed 200 k a year compared to under 100k for MC or 140k for a SNF. I hope Blondie can locate her but she must realize that things change when we get older. People move on and friends may pass away. Many families move parents out of state either for convenience or, in the case of my mother, for tax purposes in order to extend costs for good private care.
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Reply to MACinCT

That is sad you don't know where your friend has gone. Worry & hurt feelings are understandable. But a lot of assumptions here... I'd concentrate on finding the facts.

Do you have mutual friends you can ask, someone may know the facilities's name or have one of the daughter's phone number?
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Reply to Beatty

How do you know these daughters "lied" to your friend if you've been unable to contact her?

Your friend is 97 years old with dementia that you're admitting has gotten worse recently. Unless you were giving her 24/7 care yourself, you cannot say her daughters did some dirty deed by placing their mother in a safe Memory Care Assisted Living environment where teams of caregivers will be there for for her day and night. Being at home is NOT always the best and safest choice for such an old woman with advanced dementia, that's a very accurate statement, too. Her house would have to be sold, most likely, to finance this woman's stay in Memory Care which is very expensive and cuts deeply into the daughters potential inheritance, by the way.

Not everyone makes decisions casually or for the wrong reasons, even when you vehemently disagree with them. It could be the daughters have their mother's best interest at heart and have more information about the reality of her living situation at home than you're aware of. They may not be telling you where she's living right now because there's an adjustment period involved for elders moving into Assisted Living. Staff recommends nobody visit the new resident for some time while she settles in.

For you to say her daughter's "want to erase her life" and that they've "done something to her" sounds melodramatic to me, but I suppose you can call the police and report a possible kidnapping or suspicion of murder and see what happens. Just because they're not telling YOU what's happening doesn't necessarily mean there's malicious play involved.

Hopefully you can get in touch with your friend soon and put these suspicions to rest. Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1

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