My mother-in-law is now 87, depressed, verbally cruel, and I have never been an accepted daughter-in-law for 31 years of marriage to her son. Each holiday is a trial. I have opted to not attend gatherings for the last 5 years. My husband has stood up for me and understands, and has also pulled away. Now, however, a sister-in-law is spreading the guilt with the claim of our mother-in-law being "fragile, this will probably be her last holiday." I've heard this for 3 years. The guilt has gone to my adult daughter, newly engaged, and with other plans for Thanksgiving. My sister-in-law contacted her via Facebook pressing her to change plans due to the fragility of grandma. Me and my spouse were going to go this year but now are weary and sad. I stood up for my daughter and am now being judged and am being accused of creating confrontations. I am hating the holidays but ever wish I could find a way around the soap operas. Looks like we are not going this year again. My spouse, and daughter, both see my mother-in-law on a regular basis. They don't wait for a holiday to show her they care.