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Has anyone had an experience with old family photos causing depression in those with dementia? I created a memory book of photos and showed them to my mom. I think it depressed her and made her realize how much she had forgotten.

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Absolutely. That suggestion NEVER works for my mother.

I would show her a picture, and she would immediately tell me to stop, because they made her so sad.

I eventually gave up.
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Msblcb Sep 2022
Thank you!
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What works for one person may not work for your loved one.
Find other things, objects, pictures, music that she likes.
My Husband was never interested in looking at photos or music. Put on a Ball game (had to be Bears or Cubs) and he would sit and watch for hours.
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I stopped showing my mother photos because they made her sad and confused. She no longer knows how to process those memories and feelings. She lives in the present moment now. She no longer worries about the future nor regrets the past. In a strange way she is more content than she's ever been. Good luck to you.
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Msblcb Sep 2022
Well, I do not want to ever go through what my mom is experiencing but I would love to not worry about the future or regret the past. That just sounds wonderful. My goodness...what would I think about if I did not have those two topics! Blessings to you!
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Instead of showing her old photos of people and places she is "supposed to" remember, can you show her new photos of relatives and friends? We take tablet to my MIL in LTC with mild/moderate dementia and short-term memory loss and she really enjoys us talking about that. Also we find funny animal or people videos on YouTube to watch together.

My 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia watches Disney or Pixar animated movies with the closed captions on. Especially if they are musicals. We started her on "oldie" movies from her era, Meet Me in St. Louis, The Music Man, Singing in the Rain, and now she'll even enjoy Paw Patrol: The Movie. She can't follow very complex plots, or tolerate too much violence or sadness. She doesn't like to listen to music for some reason and I think it is about her comprehension, not her hearing. I wish you success in finding a "sweet spot" of entertainment and connection with her!
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yes we have a bunch of old family photos in my mom's room at memory care and most of the time she doesn't think to look at them but if i bring her one to look at, it sparks her memory and she is briefly happy then she starts to get sad, asks where dad is, etc. (he died 8 years ago). it's terrible to say but she is happier when she doesn't remember her past. she recognizes me about half the time but most of the time she thinks i'm her sister. recently i had a visit where she didn't say much and it was the first time i suspected she didn't know who i was at all, as she typically would be very chatty. but that visit was also the calmest and most content i've ever seen her. when she knows me, or thinks i'm her sister, it grounds her in her past but also gives rise to complaints and sadness about where she is and what she misses.
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My mother had a picture of my father in frame in her memory care room. As her dementia advanced one day I asked her if she remembered her husband (I called him by name) and she said "no." I don't think she minded having his picture around, but it didn't mean the same thing to her. She was an artist and also had her paintings hanging on the walls of her room. She didn't remember that she had painted them. But the good thing about having personal items in the room is that it shows the staff what kind of a person she was. And also, the pictures are familiar, even if their meaning is no longer the same. She had an old album of my father's family pictures and started to rip it up. I took it away and sent it to his family. It's best not to have valuable old family pictures where they can be damaged. Copies are good enough.
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DrLokvig Sep 2022
I always urge families to keep the originals and give her the copies, not just photos but also jewelry or anything else that me be precious to you.
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I've had better results with "neutral" images, i.e. babies, animals, vintage cars, old movie stars. The family of one of my client had brought her a framed 8 x 10 of her late husband. Her reaction was to lay it face-down on her bookshelf. Hmmmm?
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Once my mother's dementia set in, she started HATING family photos and asking me to remove them from her apartment in the ALF. Which I did. At first it made me angry that she didn't want any reminders of her past or her family or her life around her, and then it just saddened me. Eventually she had NO photos anywhere in her room at the Memory Care, except one of her great grandson which did bring her happiness. That was it. All the rest of the photos are here at my house; all the albums and boxes of photos from her and dad's life together.

If you can't beat em, join em. That's the motto, so go with it. I have no idea what goes on in the mind of a person with dementia, so it's best to just go WITH what they want and not argue.
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MarijaneBL Sep 2022
Have you thought about a picture of flowers or a restful scene, perhaps bought at a thrift store. If she doesn't care for it, you can just give it back to the thrift store.
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Hello Msblcb. I'm sorry you did something precious for your mom and it did not bring joy, as you had hoped. Your intention was sweet and compassionate.

I put together an activity for my beautiful mom thinking she would love to go through photos so we could put a "look book" together. After the first few photos I could tell she was quite discouraged and overwhelmed.

I was sad because it was yet another "loss" we had to walk through. I also felt badly because, in an effort to bring her joy, I caused distress.

Instead, I have been putting photos in a "look book" and labeling the photos. My mom has really enjoyed looking at the book. The labels help her recognize our friends and family.

I also learned to not ask my mom if she remembers anyone. I simply say, "Look! It's so-and-so. I remember when..."

I don't think it matters if she shares her memories or she listens to mine. The point is, my mom is blessed by seeing the number of people who love her.

It looks like you are doing great. What a sweet blessing you are.
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Msblcb Sep 2022
Thank you. It is certainly trial and error, I try something and then course correct when it does not work, I was working on a big memory box for her and have ditched that idea,..but will keep trying. Thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement.
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I find it painful................like being stabbed with a knife, especially when the person is deceased. I opened my wedding album and realized that 95% are deceased, I put it away for the next generation, if they're even interested. My photo album now is just my memory where I often visit those I loved (or, if I'm lucky, I will meet up with. them in a dream)..........."Memories, light the corners of my mind; misty watercolor memories, of the way we were."
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