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I'm a live in caregiver, and I am due to inherit the family home and property. Others in my family have been told about this. My sister in law showed up and started cutting down trees that I had asked to have left for privacy. Parents are afraid of getting her mad, so they just go along with it to keep the peace. I feel like I am doing all the work around here but have no say so or respect as to my wishes. On one other occasion she cut down some flowers I had put out. She acts like she is the only one with any sense and constantly over steps boundaries. Any advice?

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Thanks, I am definitely going to look into getting the house in my name. I am currently getting a small disability check so I don't know how that would affect it. We have a civil war. My mother wants money and property set aside for me and my father does not want to do anything. Regrading this current situation, he feels nothing is wrong ( SIL absolutely ADORES him, of course) There was abuse in the family when I was growing up, which they still have not owned up to.
I didn't know about the transfer not being subject to look back - that is really good news. The whole situation with not having any security is really depressing me, and my doctor asked me the other day if I was still in the same situation as she feels it's affecting my health.
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My understanding about transferring the deed to the house is it can be done to a child caregiver that has provided medically necessary care for the parents for a period of two years. This sort of transfer is not subject to the 5 year look back, but may be different in other states.

If you meet the rule, the time to transfer would be now, before as Chicago said the will is changed without your knowledge.
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You actually might want to consider getting the house in your name, now. Wills can be changed, without you knowing it. Also, is there any chance that your parents will need Medicaid? The house would have to go to their care. But, not if it has been in your name, for 5 years.

Your SIL, must be a real peach. I am sorry, that no one will run her off the property.
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Thanks for your comments. I did have a small business, but am too tired to do anything much these days. (Also found out that Vocational Rehab has no idea what to do with someone who has a college degree. )
I have a copy of the will, so I know that I will get the house ( which is too much for me to manage, I'm sure) but now my mother is thinking that having siblings as executor may not be a good idea, and that maybe an attorney would be better. You know, I've had so many relatives tell me that I was to get this and that in their will - and then another relative steps in and takes everything- that I really don't count on anything, but as my brother has a home already, I know that the house is in the will as mine to inherit. I told them the other night - why shouldn't I go on strike - if I have no voting rights, then why keep doing housework, etc?
This is a family with no boundaries at all.
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Whatever you do, I think it's a very good time to start finding a way to ensure your future. If SIL and bro have their way, you are their free caregiver for your parents. You have no say because that is not your house, not your land, and your parents will never speak up. I hope you have some kind of other income in case you ever need to go live on your own. Do Not rely on the house/land going to you.

I have always known that this house/land is not going to me. My father told me so. He is old fashion. It's going to my brothers. If I wanted one, I would have to marry a man who has it. Because I knew this from the beginning, I have absolutely refused to give my job while caregiving 2 bedridden parents 2 years ago. I was willing to die from exhaustion than to quit my job and stay home to watch them. My job is my security. It is my lifesaver from caregiving.

I think you need to come up with a back up plan. Are you computer savvy? Can you find a way to earn income using the computer? I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like when you did all the hard work of caregiving and then the siblings walk in, and demand equal shares - even though I have asked for years for their help and they didn't. Start saving up, find a way to support yourself - even if it means doing an online course. Something. Remember - back up plan.
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LivingSouth, your opinion doesn't count. Not with your sister-in-law for sure, and not with your brother either. And your parents are dependent on your help, too, aren't they? So the fact that they will not back up you indicates that their daughter-in-law's opinion is more important to them than yours is.

I hope you have considered that you may not inherit anything. If your parents' health worsens they may need all their assets for their own needs. In spite of everyone's good intentions one or both of them may require a nursing home.

If your parents won't even back you up in protecting the property now, I don't think you can depend on much of anything.

I don't know where that leaves you. But I hope you are looking at this with your eyes wide open.
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My brother's usual answer is: I don't want to get her started... So....
We have to depend on them both for help ( I stay exhausted) so parents are reluctant to do anything. Now I will have to buy a fence - something we really can't afford. I am so mad because they were told not to cut these trees down and the attitude seems that my opinion doesn't count.
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Why are parents afraid of getting her mad? Is she physically threatening? This is really up to them to handle, or at least to back you up. If they won't, I think blannie is right -- it is not your property yet and you can't stop this.

Is brother reasonable?
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Can you talk to your brother about this? What is your relationship with him? If your parents won't speak up, I don't know that there's a lot you can do, since it's still their place. Just know that at some point, it will be your place and you can do what you want with it.
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