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Are they tricking me or am I just wrong? I got my Dad out of a bad nursing home a year and 2 months ago. He has 5 brothers and 2 sisters he's the 2nd oldest and the only one with health problems, he's 73. His older brother is 75 and is very active and healthy before I got dad there was my stepmom and her kids 5 of them always there helping she died and I got a call that while she was in the hospital they put dad in the nursing home. Dad believes that they were there to take care of him but I am certain they were thre to help their mom. They nvr met my dad until his mid 60s and the two weeks he was in the home they took everything of value which the estate attorney and no one else wanted to pursue. I got a call from dad's older brother telling me how bad the home was that I needed to get him he said he didn't mind visiting but life was short and wouldn't take care of him an he and my older sister and some of his siblings all sad they would help but I haven't had 1 day away the whole time. My dad's property taxes are due and he couldn't pay my dad can't speak or walk just has enough motion in one arm to operate a power chair. I have been begging my sis and anyone else in the family that I need help but no help ever. My dad somehow today managedto dial his brother's number who is loaded and he came over and gave the 1600 for taxes. I told the tough time I was having and he said I looked in on your dad for 2 weeks at 10am at6 for dinner and 11at bed is wasn't that hard. I said that was almost a year and a half ago dad can't help stand at all last time I bathed him moving him to the shower I vomited from the strain I'm just 5'5" 140 dad is 5'7" 160 which by the way 3 weeks ago and dad refuses to bath now does anything to keep me here. I told his brother I can't do this He just continued with it's not that hard while my dad nodded in agreement paid the money and left I guss feeling like a hero. The stress of worrying about taxes is over but I'm to the point where I wanted someone to realize I'm now completely broke 50 no life but was made to feel like I'm whining and that was earlier today since dad has been running that chair allover the house like an animal marking his territory. I called his doc trying to see how I can leave but they took a msg and said she'll callback which she hasn't. The doctors don't do anything He needs help for everything why does everyone including him think this is ok todo to me. I have no job now no car bad teeth was a workout maniac now I'm in horrible shape. I feel I was tricked dad's in denial he's convinced if I leave he can be alone when he can't even turn on the stove. Everyone in the family ignores or plays it down when I talk of needing help. Sis says I can come for an hour or 2 but never has and like I told her recently I don't need an hour or two I need to wake up not get him up and dressed I need to get up leave and come home watch some tv and go to bed no dad period. I really need forever or a month or a week or even a day but no one will step up. am I just wrong?

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NoLife, you must feel desperate. Number One Thing: it's going to be okay. You are in a bad situation, but there are answers - it's just incredibly hard to see a way forward when you're exhausted and on your own and horribly stressed out and broke and stuck and feeling lousy.

I saw your other post too, and had some questions. Can I recap so it's clearer what exactly is going on?

Your father is 73. You and he are living in his home, which is the house he shared with your late stepmother until she passed away not quite ten years after their marriage. You have one sister who is willing to help but not very substantially, one older uncle who is involved, and three other uncles/aunts who are not involved. You have POA for your father. Your father's property and income amount to the house, but he is having difficulty paying its running costs, and social security. No pension or other income? He is physically disabled and requires help with most if not all activities of daily living. How is he mentally?

Do you have a home, a job and a life ready to return to? Is it simply a matter of arranging proper support for your father, whether that's IL, in-home or whatever, and handing over?
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Love hearing from who have been there. I was made the power of attorney my dad and his brother wanted it. I had the lawyer add my uncle (his oldest brother) to keep things transparent the lawyer wrote it where I am the POA and incase of emergency also I had know idea at the time that he wasn't actually going to help I wanted both because I thought he was going to do what he said and help out with managing the finances. The senior place he was in at least when I went he was in a filled diaper I found bedbugs which were brought home and cost a fortune to get rid of and he was in a room with a man who yelled all the time and sicne my dad owns his home the were charging 150 a day I shoulf have known no one would help and should have checked into moving him but not taking him home. I was dumb enough to believe that with everyone's help I would still get to do the things I love. I played guitar almost everyday since age 14 I haven't picked it up since moving here now no job the guitar is being pawned had it for 20+years everyone thinks it's silly I practiced Disc golf 3-5 days a week and played tourneys 2 - 3 weekends a month was in great shape I have only been away from the house maybe 2 times a month and can't be gone for more than 3 hours it takes 45 min to get to a course from out in the sticks where I'm stuck. I know deep down I'll be 50 jobless bad teeth no job car is broke down for sitting for a year and still deep down I know to survive I need to leave at all costs just got to get the gonads to do it. Me and dad can't stand each other right now I am so mad for him trying to act like he can just stay here when I leave and that I really believe him and my sis his siblings all believe they have me pinned and that's that and it sorta is cause I got no where to go or way to get there but still I know I need togo.
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You need to face the sad truth that other family members are not willing to sacrifice even a fraction of what you have in order to help. It is very understandable that his care needs are beyond your physical and emotional capabilities. You need to move him to a facility, either a ALF or NH, Whichever he is suited for. Then you need to focus on you. Easier said than done.
Good luck
L
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Who is dad's power of attorney? Send a certified letter saying that you are leaving dad's home on such and such a date and are no longer available to be his caregiver. Send copies, also cerified, to the doctor, and to Adult Protective Services. Leave.
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Of course you are not wrong. And all the family members really want your dad to be well taken care of, as long as it doesn't inconvenience them.

You get to make decisions for your life. Your uncles cannot tell you what to do. They know that, but are hoping they can get their way by pushing your guilt buttons.

I am very sorry that your dad was in a very bad facility (if that was really the case). But it isn't the only one in the area. Check them out. Find something suitable. Get him placed. Visit him often. Advocate for him and see that he is getting appropriate care. But don't try to deal with this on your own.

Don't let his perhaps-well-meaning family bully you. You deserve a good life, too.
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