4 children and it’s two against 2!
He is 95 with some independent living issues... nutrition is poor where he lives he gets a continental breakfast and either lunch or dinner and snacks the rest of the day! He has some stool incontenance, has macular degeneration and needs help with his medications and sometimes has choking issues while eating!
In January we all agreed he needed more help... one of the family was there visiting and met a care giving nurse in the hall way of his building ...whom she brought on board to do weekly medications and take him to Dr appointments.
Now the facility where he lives says he doesn’t meet independent living criteria and said they were not going to renew his lease in July. We are the closest family 2 1/2 hours away another is 5 hours and the other two are a plane ride away!
We thought since we are the closest it would make sense to move him closer to family!
The other two siblings have sought out 12 hour care in his independent living apartment but the nurse who is an independent contractor with no CNA’s or helpers! She is now looking to hire help to come in to cover the 84 hours a week for him! The independent living is going along with this!
Today He called one of the daughters and told her that she and my husband are not to call the independent living director anymore and that his nurse is handeling everything now and we don’t need to call.
Now the other two siblings have contact with the nurse and think she is great... my husband and his sister just see RED Flags!
we have a perfect Assisted Living Place we have visited near us but the other two siblings want him where he is with someone we don’t know making his decisions!
We are sick about what is going on .... he doesn’t need a 12 hour Watch Dog he needs someone available 24 hours a day... if he needs help! We think he is being brain washed and the other two I think are too! She is a slick one!
We’d sure appreciate some thoughts on this .... we are just sick as this is not what is best for him!

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Call APS. Tell them the story and see if they will investigate. I agree this man needs an AL.
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That's tough. If he's competent, he may make his own decisions. Sometimes, things end up working themselves out, but, only after there is a crisis, fall, fracture, medication mix up, etc. If he's fine, then, why does the IL facility say that he doesn't qualify to live there any longer? That would suggest that his needs are too great. Is it about mobility?
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SusieB5 Apr 2019
Latest is my sister in law received a call from her dad that we are not to call the person in charge of independent living and that Kim the Nurse is taking Care of Everything Now!
We have Not heard from the two siblings that have hired this Nurse... Mind you that they found in the Hall Way back in January! Leaving a residents room or just walking the halls drumming up Business?
We have no contact with anyone now?!?!
Its Nuts! The Nurse has taken total control and my father in law it totally smitten with her!! We are not in communication with anyone now! Because we feel he needs someone available 24/7 not just 12 hours a day!
The dad is competent as far as long term memory has a little problem with short term... we’re afraid the nurse is brainwashing him! And the other two siblings think she is just wonderful!
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If I felt that my siblings were hindering my father getting proper care and father is not competent to make decisions for himself, then I would seek legal counsel to find out procedure for getting legal authority. Do you want to be appointed as Guardian? Would your siblings? If so, the siblings who are making the wrong call are wrong, they will be LEGALLY responsible for how they handle his health and welfare. I wouldn't just let them make the wrong decisions without a challenge though. If a professional who knows your father's abilities assessed him as not being able to live without 24/7 supervision, the court and his doctor should know this.

You might also inquire about the enforcement of a new lease, if he is not able to continue with it. Because, it'll likely become clear that the set up will not be sufficient and other arrangements will have to be made.
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