My father was recently in a nursing home for about two months. He was there because of his Parkinson's, dementia and end stage renal failure receiving kidney dialysis. Mentally he was in a horrible way and nursing homes being what they are wasn't the greatest but he had roof overhead, meals, other people and care (but not where he wanted to be). I have been involved with dads health for at least the last 6 yrs. All appts, meds, taking him to church... Spending time with him, now I have nothing.
Long lost brother (#2) and wife comes back into picture, telling me to get him out of nursing home, stop application for Medicaid, they know what they are doing, and now all of a sudden brother #1 (dads favorite) and wife tells us they are taking dad home to live with them (without discussing with my sister and I). After decision is made to stop dialysis (per dads wishes in the beginning), my sister (health proxy & POA) allows dialysis to stop and dad to live the remainder of life with #1, ONLY because we are told dad could have 2wks-2months to live, no one really knows. We want him comfortable and to be at peace. #1 assures me there is someone there 24/7 to help care for dad, no money needed for food or electricity. I offer a night time nurse so they can get sleep. Get call from wife 1 with 2 nurses to pay for (not happy,went along with, it's for dad). I spoke to nursing home social worker about my concerns of him leaving to go there, nothing said or done. My sister offers $10,000 of parents money for nurse and when that is gone, it is in their hands, parents are just getting by.
Dad leaves under hospice care to stay with #1, although we unhappily we quietly went along with. Dad is doing well. #2 and wife best buddies with #1 and family now. Brothers approached my sister, they want dad S.S. check and they want to sell the farm where my mother resides. They set visitation hrs which limits us from seeing dad, yet #2 can stay as long as wants. When visiting, we are watched, no private conversation, everything is written in their book, very uncomfortable. #1 wife now demands that "dad wants" coins, wallet with spending money, check, land money and if they don't get "we are not allowed to see dad". We have not seen my father since 5/22/15.
Every time I see dad he is content. He sometimes asks where coins are and I tell him "they are in the safe place right where you put them", he is ALWAYS satisfied. May ask about bills, I tell him "everything is fine, bills are being paid", he is satisfied. He has never asked for anything unless they put it in his head, I have witnessed it. Dad put everything in place a while ago in safe keeping. Will is made. Mom resides at home and has bills and taxes to pay along with living expenses, all on a social security check and little land sale check. Remember, $10,000 goes towards "2 nurseS" at $500-$750 a week. Demands are high and we can not just hand everything over. Dad did get his wallet minus S.S. card and has old drivers license with little spending money. They came and took backhoe and 4 wheeler without permission from mom last wk.
My sister went to visit last Wed. and was not let in, but was screamed at and door locked so she left listening to her screaming as sister getting into her car... And dad has to listen to that? Hospice refuses to help, "get a lawyer" and/or "compromise in order to see him" is all we get. Tired of the text messages of them bullying & blackmailing us and the elder abuse that I know my father has to endure. They are supposed to be comforting my father and I don't feel that they are. They are gold diggers when there is no gold to be had! Parents lawyer said to lock barns/tractors up. That was done, new war brewing now. We are allowing dad to be on his property but only him. So we get another nasty text message from her off my brothers phone.
My sister contacted hospice last Sunday and filled them in on what is happening AND for them to tell dad we are not allowed over to visit. It took us until Fri to hook up with someone for answers. They did go out to visit with dad and "evaluate" the situation, nothing visible seen, he is happy. I asked if the message was given to dad about us not allowed to visit, and this woman talking was not there and can't say, yet the woman that did go was sitting there in the room on speaker phone with us. After woman told me to either get lawyer or compromise, my comment to her was, "so your telling me you can't do anything to help us see my father and the next time I get to see my dad will be at his funeral?" She was very sorry but "there is nothing they can do". Really?
SO, SO sad that people will do things like this. Any ideas on how my children and the rest of my family can see dad and without them? Help!