My family is basically forcing me to take care of my grandma and I am 17. Am I being a big baby or is this really not right?

Dontask4handout: Thank you. I didn't think of that statement initially. To the OP, you don't want something really bad to happen ON YOUR WATCH because you're not a trained medical professional!

Please call APS and Social Services to help get you out of there. Your family took advantage of you being young and naive and used F.O.G. to get you to do it. Now that you have had a taste of caregiving, you are not that naive and want out. You are not being a baby, you realize that you are out of your depth, don't exactly know what to do and asking for help. To the poster who said she had an attitude problem and was being a baby, shame of you a thousand times over. She is 17 not 40.

Llamalover is right, you're not a trained professional and you should not be required to take care of grandma and be required to do something you're not cut out to do. People aren't supposed to force others into a position where they get stuck being the only one caring for someone, but it happens. Someone mentioned calling the APS, and if you do this, mention that you're a minor being stuck with the whole job of caregiving and you're not able to do it. Also mention you're not getting paid for it and there are child labor laws as well as slavery being outlawed, and despite that you find yourself as being the only one caring for your grandma because no one else will. Also mentioned that she has money and you need a salary for the work you already did, definitely ask for backpay. It would also be a good idea to seek out the help of a lawyer if necessary

Your response to get out of this situation should be: "I am not a trained medical professional so I cannot be the caregiver of my great grandmother."

No one forces you to take care of great granny.

Partsmom has a good thought....military might be something to look at. If you do, check out the Airforce.  I've read that they need strong women and I think you would fit that bill! Come out in 4 years with VA benefits and let them pay you to learn to be a killer photographer while you're in there. A win/win if you ask me.

Regardless of what direction you end up taking, what you need to do now, as it seems you are realizing, is to let the adults care for Grandma while you care for yourself and your future. Not only is your future riding on this, but the future of any family you create in the future, is too.  G Grandma's lived her life. Now is the time for you to be planning for yours!

Also, a son of a friend learned photography in the military--one way to get out of the rut you found yourself in!

One person, of any age, can't be a caregiver 24/7 for a declining grandma!
Also, my grand-daughter (age 25) is a professional photographer; in addition to having been one of those kids who had a camera with her for the last 10 or so years, she also has a college degree in photography. In addition to learning a lot of things faster and better than the hard way, she interned with a classy event photographer for a year or so and then got hired on when she graduated. She was also able to work with some experienced professionals for short-term assignments. Check out community colleges in your area, and when you have some basics under your belt, look for mentors.

Wow, at 17 to be responsible for a great grandmotherer in my opinion is outrageous. Who was supposed to be taking care care of her on the 2 days you were planning to be elsewhere?
Why isn't your own mother the one dealing with her grandmother?
I don't see where anyone thought it would be fair to you?
Bravo for graduating early and that's great you even gave it a try at being your greats caregiver. I have no doubt you were seeing it more as a roomate/helper than a full on caregiver. Was anyone in your family doing the job before or is it something that is new to you all?
Your great needs a caregiver but I don't see how it is your responsibility. Legally your not an adult but your mother is so it should be on her to come up with a solution.

justagirl123, Alzheimers is a cruel, progressive disease. AL patients don't realize their behavior. Time is also an issue. They eat because someone brings them food. My Father passed from numerous health issues & AL. Now I have my Mom at her home after 2 nursing home stays & assisted living for almost 2 yrs. She has companion, care givers. She is so much better. Probably has AL to some degree but would be surprised how much she remembers. There are a few issues just starting. She is obsessive about cleaning & is starting to do repetitive things & forgets she already did that. PT has really helped a lot. I would encourage you to pursue your interest in photography & some sort of business management. You should be around people your age & start your life. My friend, Syndey Byrd, (deceased) was a renowned photographer from NOrleans, LA. Please google her. She did a lot of jazz, mardi gras, other special event(s), etc. Student's from the college's interned under her. We became friends after Katrina hit the southern coast, she was my neighbor for over a year. Good luck, be strong, take care of yourself!

Justagirl23,
The first thing I would do is be bold, be brave like you have been and demand a family meeting with an agency like Office on aging. If you are ignored and silenced remember you are under 18 and you can call Child protective services as well as Adult protective services. You have to get to an agency that can sit down with your whole family and discuss YOUR situation, not your G-Grandma's only.
Stay strong! Be bold and remember that you are still a child in a lot of ways, and need support to get to adulthood, however it may come. Sometimes family can be make things harder, not easier, and that is why you must stand up for yourself, no matter what.

Too bad they wanted you for free. Living with your Grandmother and helping out and getting the use of a car and a salary for it might have worked for you, giving you free time to pursue your own goals. At least until GGrandma progressed to needing more care then any salary would cover.

As it is, I'd say you need to pass this burden onto your parents and meme and go out and get yourself a job so you can earn the money to buy a car and live independently of others. Good Luck to you and your future. At 17, the possibilities are endless, but you have to make them happen!

You're getting the feeling that this is wrong and you're definitely right to listen to that feeling. Since you're still a minor at 17, there are child labor laws to abide by. When you take on the role of caregiver, you're legally entitled to a reasonable salary. Here's what you need to do and you do have some options:

You're legally entitled to a reasonable salary for this since you are a minor and legally allowed to have a job. If they refuse to pay you, you can go to your school counselor and speak to them and maybe even have them call the CPS for your family breaking the child labor laws. You should not be forced to work such a hard job without a salary, caregiving is very hard work and something that'll even break you down sometime. Just explain to the school counselor and even CPS what's going on just like you mentioned here and tell them you don't mind working at 17 but you either need a reasonable salary for that kind of work since your grandma really does have money, or you need some other kind of living arrangements. If you know the number to the local CPS or know where it's at, you should be able to secretly contact them yourself if you're not being paid a reasonable salary for this kind of work. If this has been going on for a while, you're legally owed a backpay if you've never been paid for this kind of work. It sounds like someone is just looking for free labor and slavery laws are also in place to be abided by because slavery was long since outlawed. You only work slaves without pay, so if you're working for free, there's two or three laws being broken here, and that can result in you being removed from the home and a court ordered guardian to be appointed to your grandma. 

What I was thinking is this sounds like it may very well be an emergency situation. What you need to do now instead of waiting for the next incident is just go straight to the police station or if it's too far away, just go to the nearest business and have them call the cops. Tell the cops what's going on just like you specified here. If you're locked in to the house, just unlock the door when she's in another room and slip right out the door. If this isn't possible, just go to your room as she says and secretly pull out your cell phone and dial 911. Ask for the police. Try to be as quiet as possible. However though, if you can slip out the door or just not go home from school which is better yet, go to your school counselor and have them call the CPS and tell the school counselor and CPS exactly what's going on and that you're not going back to that living environment and would rather live under a bridge

Not sure if this was mentioned, but I had to go through the toughest period of my life, but because the family did not get along, it made things SO much worse. I did not have anyone to "have my back", and you will need people to advocate for you. Is there anyone in your family who is 'on your side'? Are there support groups around? You are young and unfortunately, if you do not play by their rules, you could find yourself without a place to live when you are 18. Unfortunately, these situations tend to bring out the worst in families. And my heart goes out to you. I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. It does sound like you are getting some excellent advice on here. Please take care of yourself, and I hate to say this, but you need to learn as much as possible and watch your back in regards to your family and what they might resort to doing. I will be coming back here to see how this plays out. Good luck!

I don't agree that she needs a college degree to be a photographer. I have three or four friends who are photographers (mostly portrait) and none of them went to school for it.

No person, no matter who or why, has the right to do this to you. Immediately contact the local Office on Aging (library can help you contact them) and also immediately call the doctor involved. You need help because of your parents and somehow you have to get it. You need to be out with friends and having fun. And as to being a photographer, trust me - you do need a college education or you won't have a chance. Good luck.

Any way you can get your mom on this site so we can tell her a 17 year old is not capable of handling a dementia patient? Heck, I'm 65 and couldn't handle my mom 7 years ago and had to put her in a facility. I'm not trained to do the things aids or an at home health care worker is. I wanted to help my mom but just couldn't especially when she got mean (which she never had a mean bone in her body before dementia/alz.) This is just a thought but if she has the money, your mom and family pro bably doesn't want to spend the money on someone coming in or a facility since they think they stand to inherit it. I agree, you need help from Adult Protective Services or Social Worker. People do have to do things they don't like from time to time but this isn't on you. It's up to her daughter to figure this out. Good luck and God Bless.....

Having had experience with dysfunctional famblee, I am not 100% convinced that her 'f' is that concerned about her. She can go for emancipation, she can get out: I did many years back walk out on my own so called mother. I just made the mistake of waiting until I was 24. I think many of the answers here may be better balanced: I just do not trust 'famblee'. I see too much evil ignored and excused because it wears this label. Personally, I don't think your parents have your best interests at heart. They have simply brainwashed you all these years with the phony famblee mantra.
Reach out to authorities: call child protective services, call elderly services. There is free legal as well, and I think you would qualify. You have to look out for your well being and interests: your 'famblee' is not going to. Best of luck to you. Personally: get out.

Good for you for telling your mom that you won't stand for how she and meme (and g-ma) are treating you. You don't deserve it. Keep on keepin' on, girl, and do what's best for you. You've got grit, and you can make it. Best of luck!

As a carer in a home for ppl with dementia and alzheimers I can assure you the situation will only escalate. ppl who were usually nice caring ppl can become abusive verbally and physically with no awareness of what they are doing. Behaviours can change/deteriorate over quite a short period of time in some cases and take yeeeeears in others there is no way to predict unless it is one of the more aggressive forms. I am trained to deal with these situations, have colleagues to support me and every possible safety feature in place to try and protect both myself and the clients i work with but its never enough as this disease is so unpredictable. I agree with all the others at the age of 17 you should not be having to deal with this, your family should push for a definite diagnosis to know what they are dealing with. once there is that they can work out a rota!

Justagirl,
You have been given excellent advice. We don't know your whole family situation. We don't know if your Mother was trying to teach you a harsh life lesson by sending you to great grandmother to be her caregiver. Let's hope not but it did kinda give you a glimpse into what you DO NOT want to do...right? Unless there is a Photograper in your area that would hire you as a helper you are going to have to get the experience through some classes. With that being said I agree some college is going to benefit you in the long run. If your family is unwilling or unable to put you through college there are ways to make it happen for yourself. Financial Aid, Financial Assistance, Grants, Scholarships, etc, etc.

One of my neighbors dropped off her granddaughter at one of the most uppity colleges 4 years ago. The neighbor gave her granddaughter $100 and a garage sale bicycle. The granddaughter hit the ground pedaling! The granddaughter had 3 part time jobs AT THE SAME TIME to keep herself in food and a roof over her head while still grinding through a full college load. She secured scholarships, and financial help thru the college to fund her education.

Whatever you decide to do I don't think you want to not be in school or not have a job. That does make you a easy target for "make yourself useful and go take care of great grandma.

I think as a 17 yr old you have shown a lot of guts by saying I can't/won't Caregive anymore. Now show those same guts and find a job or get back to your education.

Come back and let us know how ggma's appointment goes.

OMG!!!!! YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE LADY!!!! Are you still in H.S.?? If so go to your counselor. Also on your own call adult protective services as you are still a MINOR and you are NOT required to take care of someone at this level. This can cause you MUCH EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, DEPRESSION, and DO THINGS YOUR MOTHER WOULD WISH TO GOD SHE HAD LISTENED TO YOU!!! so please do not do anything silly just take the right steps as you will learn in life you HAVE TO DO in order to resolve your problems. Stand strong, by taking the right and most appropriate steps to be able to get the right ADULT to deal with this the way it should be dealt with. I am a 60 year old mother with a 16 year old beautiful helpful caring daughter that loves her dogs too, and I too have a mother with dementia and forgetfulness and would NEVER EXPECT MY DAUGHTER TO LIVE AND CARE FOR MY MOTHER!!! My daughter is doing what she needs to do for her future... she is in H.S., she plays softball, and she has a commitment to a University that will give her a full ride scholarship to pursue becoming a doctor. She NO WAY COULD HANDLE CARING FOR HER GRANDMOTHER and IT'S NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY it is the responsibility of YOUR MOTHER and your GRANDMOTHER's other CHILDREN as well.
God bless you and do stand up and call the right people to get involved to make your mother and Aunts and Uncles do the right thing and SHAME ON THEM IF THEY TAKE IT OUT ON YOU FOR DOING WHAT IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY.

You call DCF & TELL them don't ask but TELL them your no ones slave & you have rights. That your not trying to be rude or disrespectful but your being forced to live outside of your home with someone who abuses you & needs professional help & that they have 1 hr to get someone there with Granny because your leaving. I would go stay anywheres but there. You will be 18 soon so hold on but you stand up for yourself. Good luck hon.

Justagirl--
You ARE still "just a girl" not an adult. You just had a taste of what adulthood IS. Responsibilities and work. Now, I'm not saying you have to stay at Ggma's, in fact, this sounds like a terrible place to be and not "fun" at all. Most of caregiving is not "fun". It's hard work.
Talk to your mom and meme. They know that Ggma isn't "OK" and maybe they thought you'd be a "cheap" way to help her. You obviously aren't ready for that, and it's no blame on you. I did caregiving as a JOB and I was 50 and it was still very hard. Your ggma needs more care than you are capable of giving.
At 17, having graduated early, you have the world at your feet!! Get a job, go and get at MINIMUM an Associates degree and start living your own life.
Were you, by any chance, just "hanging out" at home before all this happened? I have 4 daughters. They were NOT allowed to lounge about. They had to be in school FT and working PT or they couldn't live at home (after High School). We made sure they had help so they could afford school, but we also made sure they knew that life is work and they were going to learn how to do it. They (and their brother) all have degrees, a couple have several degrees. They are all capable of taking care of themselves--that's what parents want for their kids!!
You are lucky to be learning this lesson now. Yes, you can be a photographer, but I don't know a single professional photographer who didn't get at least a 2 year degree. In fact, photography is one of the best classes one of my daughters took in college.
Stand firm with the family, and get your tush in gear and get to work. (said with the love of a mother who knows)
The ADULTS in your family should deal with ggma. Sounds like you truly love her and won't let this unfortunate week ruin the relationship you have.

Do a lot of reading here - get educated on dementia & you will probably be ahead of your mom & rest of family - googling Teepa's Gems is a good start

You are too young for this type of responsibility - use your cell to tape GG when she is doing thing & being mean - show the family - so that they will be aware of your living condition

I don't recommend it but if you end up staying then you get your own tv in your room, days off, paid photography courses, salary [have taxes taken off] etc - you are not an indentured servant but a young person with rights - assert them - your GG is still around so you have a good chance of living a long time - start paying your taxes for when you'll need the help down the line in 60+ years - have a caretaker's contract with family that is fair both sides - if you go to school part time & help her too remember that sleeping there to help means you are 'on duty' all night & that should be accounted for

What your family is doing boarders child & elder abuse - who told you that you don't need education to be a photographer? ... your family = manipulation .... yourself = lack of awareness -

The fact you came here shows you have some smarts .. kudos for doing so - enroll in college ASAP so you can show you have guts - your family probably thrust this on you as 'she's not in school, doesn't have a job - why not have her help GG' - however think 'what if my eyesight is damaged?' - you need a back-up education because there are no blind photographers! - don't put all your eggs in 1 basket

My guess is you were always the 'good child' [take a phyc course on family dynamics] & agreed often when you didn't really want to, to keep family harmony - time to change the mold you have been put in - your family may be unknowingly grooming you to be the family caretaker & if you don't want it the time to say so is NOW

Girl, to add to the previous posts:
Forced labor of any kind is not legal in the USA.
However, yes, you are being a big baby. You are 17--barely past baby age, so that's sort of an excuse for your attitude. So, you claim your formal education is complete; you went to live with gramma because you "thought it would be fun", but in less than a week, it wasn't! WAH WAH WAH!!!
I'm hoping your mom has encouraged you to set goals for your future and WORK--oh, horrors to think of it!--each day toward achieving them. If not, I encourage you to do a web search and learn some ways to do this.

I'm thinking that you were given the opportunity to learn a valuable skill in caring for an elderly person. That is certainly an ability that is in demand, and could have led to your self-sufficiency if you had been willing to learn it. You have refused that, which is OK.

But, I think your mom is just trying to help you fly out of the nest. You need to do it. Be a grown up. Get a job. Since you don't have a car, you'll need to move close enough to walk or bike to your job or live where there is public transportation. You ain't gonna make a living as a photographer this week. Work on that dream after your regular job's hours.

There is no shame in not wanting to be a caregiver, but if you turn up your nose at every entry-level job out there, shame on you.
As my step-son was informed by his mom: If anybody is going to lay on that couch all day and watch TV, it's gonna be Mom who paid for it.
For 17 years, you've wanted to be grown up. You're here! Welcome to grown-up land, it's really not as bad as you think!

jacobsonbob, the term "meme" is sometimes used to refer to a Grandmother. My French raised mother-in-law had her grandchildren call her that.

Good point--the dog needs good care and no violence!!

also you might have a better chance to get out from under this dangerous situation if you get help while you're still seventeen. once you turn eighteen the rules change for a lot of things

In my opinion a 17 year old should in no way be responsible for the life of anyone unless they accidentally got,pregnant and had a child. Someday you will have children to care for and later in life most likely your parents to care for, you need to concentrate on getting a career started and enjoy your young life. Believe me, there will be a day when you will have plenty of responsibilities in caring for lives of others. For now enjoy your young life, grandma is not your responsibility, she is her children's responsibility.