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I don't know if you'll see this or not, but I am a lot like you. I started taking care of my Grandma fulltime when I was 16. When I graduated I wanted to move and go to college, and my Dad started guilt tripping me. Then he told me that if I stayed one more year, he would pay for me to go to college. I agreed. I thought I had made the biggest mistake not going when I had a chance. Now I now that I was wrong. I went through the microwave, t.v remote, and all of that. She was horrible to me when I first moved in. We never had a strong relationship, so my Dad (her son) told her that he will not tolerate her abusing me. If she does it again, he was going to take me home. He wasn't really going to. They had already started piling their hoard into my old bedroom, but it was the threat of losing me that made her be nice to me. I'm 21 now, and her dementia is so severe that she is now on hospice. Honestly, as much as it frustrates me, stresses me out, and makes me depressed. I wouldn't trade it for the world. In the end, taking care of your loved one when they need you the most is the greatest feeling in the world. You are there for her when no one else is. I know it may seem difficult right now, I'm not saying it's going to be easy at all, but in the end you're going to be so much stronger. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. Hold on tight. You aren't going to always have her. If she has dementia then she will most likely become an entirely different person. So try and enjoy the time that you have now. Sending lots of love.
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Dear KayKay,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know us women as daughters and granddaughters take on a lot. But we also have the right to say no. And our families should respect our choices. I strongly believe not all us are meant to be caregivers. I too had to take care of my family from an early age but as the years go on, it can lead to a lot of anger and resentment. I do not regret caring for my father my whole life because I know how much he and my mom sacrificed for us kids, but it was a tough road. If this young woman does feel abused or trap, then she should get help and get out.
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Kaykay - I have to totally disagree with you, as applied to anyone's experience other than your own. I think that anyone who gives up any of their high school/college years to care for a relative with dementia is either 1) being forced/abused, 2) brainwashed/under mind control or 3) both. Your story doesn't even make sense to me. Parents pushed you out, filled your room with their hoard so you couldn't come back, make you live with a demented person and someone you never had a good relationship with, to boot, and you're acting like it's the greatest thing for since sliced bread. While your friends were dating, going to prom, starting college, you're grateful to be taking care of a "loved one" (noting you actually didn't have a strong relationship with her before) with dementia. If it's all true, then you're a very unique individual. Please don't assume that if other young people do as you've done, they will feel as you feel about it. Most likely, they won't. Most likely, they'll be angry and miserable and desperate to get out. Which it sounds like Justagirl is.
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KayKay, will you get another chance to go to college or further your education? Will your father live up to his end of the "deal"?
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