I'm hoping someone could be of assistance.
My mother is 83 years old and lives at home by herself, she has memory loss due to having mini strokes.
She lives 5 mins from me and has carers twice a day for 15 mins but doesn't get on with them and is quite horrible to them, she won't let them make her food or anything.
I have just been made redundant and go to my mums twice a day to make sure she eats and give her her meds.
Theres me, my older brother who holds power of autorney for her wellbeing and finance, and 2 other sisters. The brother and 1 sister live in the same town and the other sister lives 80 miles away.
My problem is the sister who lives far away, she has been a home carer for 21 years and reminds me of this daily, she says that I'm not looking after my mother properly as I'm not with her often enough, I should be with her most of the day as I'm not working.
My mother has also became very incontinent, her bed and sofa are wet most days, she changes trousers but not pants or she puts clean trousers on top of wet ones and when we try to change her she gets aggressive and swears at us. According to my sister I should change her however stressed my mum gets and do whatever it takes to make sure she washes and changes daily, I feel like forcing her to do something she doesn't want to is abusive but my sister says its not as she's my mother. She tells me I should take her out daily if not more, I should buy her different pads for her incontinence and just basically tells me daily what I should do with my mum. My sister that lives locally only goes to my mum when she feels like it or I ask her to, and my brother does her shopping once a week, as he holds her finances and that's it.
I feel like everything is on my shoulders and my sister is constantly on my back with what I should do cause she has done the job for years.
I feel like I'm the only one taking responsibility, even though I don't hold power of attorney.
Can anyone advise on how I make the situation better???